Three Regiments landed on Cyprus shores―― On Cyprus shores, there by Larnaca town; And having no huts slept out of doors, And a quarter next week were with fever down: For officials will blunder, and men must die, And it’s little use to be asking why; For nought comes of the press and its groaning. Three Regiments went sailing away to the West―― Away to the west, whence they first had come; And none had escaped from the island’s pest, But all were feeble, and limp and glum. And soldiers must suffer and die, no doubt, But why did they send those Regiments out? Did they know at the time what they were about? It’s for this that the press is groaning. _Truth._ Christmas Number, 1878. ―――― THE THREE PRACTICAL MEN. Three practical men went strolling West, Out into the West as the Bar came down; Each said to the workmen, “May you be blest, For moving this obstacle out of the town! For cabs still crawl, and ’busses still creep―― While stultified aldermen vainly weep, Their ancient Bar bemoaning.” Three barmaids stood in their gas-lit bower, And filled each glass as the Bar came down; And the practical gentlemen looked at the shower, And the mud that was rolling up slimy and brown, For men will drink, and women must keep Replenishing beakers, while potions deep Are quaffed to the Bar and its “boning.” Three “lushingtons” lie in the roaring Strand, ’Neath the Law Courts’ shade as the Bar comes down, And the barmaids are peeping――a giggling band―― For they know the police may be squared with a crown. Ah! liquors are potent, and draughts are deep, And the more you imbibe, why, the sooner you sleep, An’ goo’-bye to th’ Bar an’s moaning! _Funny Folks_, January 26, 1878, ―――― THE THREE PROFITS. [“There must be three profits obtained from land.”――_Lord Beaconsfield._] “Three profits” had got to come out of the land―― Out of the land where the cash went down―― The farmer some capital still had in hand, Which stood in his name at the bank in the town. For rents fall due, and tenants must pay, And there’s little quarter on Quarter-day From the lord the land who’s owning. Three landlords sat in an ancient hall, And mourned the way that their rents went down! “Three profits!” they cried. “It is _ours_ that fall! Where once we’d a sovereign, _now_ we’ve a crown! We have to live――and our farms won’t let! And we can’t exist upon what we get―― So what use is the land we’re owning!”