Parodies of the works of English & American authors, vol. III

Parodies

Three Sports got into a railroad car,
       A railroad car with a pack of cards;
     They called “hear” “hyar,” and “there” was “thar,”
       And they always spoke to each other as “paur”
     For sports there are both good and poor,
     Professional and amateur,
         Where railroad trains are running.

     They wanted a fourth at a poker hand,
       Three were they, and they were one short,
     And they asked a stranger if he’d the sand
       To try a little game for sport;
     For strangers there are when men abound,
     And you’ll always find a stranger round
         Where railroad trains are running.

     The stranger didn’t know the game,
       But he was willing to live and learn;
     To him the cards were all the same――
       “They was to all at first he’d hearn,”
     And the Sports laughed loud and dealt the pack
     And gave him four queens and a thick-legged Jack,
         As they will when trains are running.

     And then they bet on the poker hand,
       And fattened the pot to a goodly pile,
     And they asked the stranger if he would stand,
       And the stranger stood with a simple smile.
     And one sport raised the other two,
     And the stranger won, as strangers do
         Where railroad trains are running.

     And then in a solemn breathless hush
       The three Sports showed what they had got;
     But aces won’t beat a royal flush,
       And the stranger gobbled that obese pot,
     For strangers and sports are natural foes,
     And the former carry cauls in their clo’es
         When railroad trains are running.

  _United States Paper._

                               ――――

                     THE “BAR” AND ITS MOANING.
                         (_Not a Parody._)
                      BY MRS. G. LINNÆUS BANKS.

     Three husbands went reeling home out of the West,
       Home out of the West ere the moon went down,
     Nor thought of the women who loved them the best,
       Or the children expecting them home from the town;
     Oh! women must work and women must weep,
     When there’s all to be earned, and many to keep,
       And the tavern bar makes moaning.

     Three wives sat up past the midnight hour,
       And they trimmed their lamps till the moon went down,
     They wept o’er their work, and looked out through the shower,
       Till the night-rakes came reeling with menace and frown;
     But women must work, and women must weep,
     For storms are sudden when drink is deep,
       And the tavern bar makes moaning.

     Three husbands shake out life’s sodden sands
       In the morning gleam when the moon goes down,
     And women are weeping and wringing their hands,
       For those who will never go back to the town;
     But women must work, and women must weep,
     And the sooner its over, the sooner to sleep,
       And good-bye to the bar, and its moaning.

                               ――――

Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.

Opening the text

General

Parodies of the works of English & American authors, vol. III

Parodies

Three Sports got into a railroad car,
       A railroad car with a pack of cards;
     They called “hear” “hyar,” and “there” was “thar,”
       And they always spoke to each other as “paur”
     For sports there are both good and poor,
     Professional and amateur,
         Where railroad trains are running.

     They wanted a fourth at a poker hand,
       Three were they, and they were one short,
     And they asked a stranger if he’d the sand
       To try a little game for sport;
     For strangers there are when men abound,
     And you’ll always find a stranger round
         Where railroad trains are running.

     The stranger didn’t know the game,
       But he was willing to live and learn;
     To him the cards were all the same――
       “They was to all at first he’d hearn,”
     And the Sports laughed loud and dealt the pack
     And gave him four queens and a thick-legged Jack,
         As they will when trains are running.

     And then they bet on the poker hand,
       And fattened the pot to a goodly pile,
     And they asked the stranger if he would stand,
       And the stranger stood with a simple smile.
     And one sport raised the other two,
     And the stranger won, as strangers do
         Where railroad trains are running.

     And then in a solemn breathless hush
       The three Sports showed what they had got;
     But aces won’t beat a royal flush,
       And the stranger gobbled that obese pot,
     For strangers and sports are natural foes,
     And the former carry cauls in their clo’es
         When railroad trains are running.

  _United States Paper._

                               ――――

                     THE “BAR” AND ITS MOANING.
                         (_Not a Parody._)
                      BY MRS. G. LINNÆUS BANKS.

     Three husbands went reeling home out of the West,
       Home out of the West ere the moon went down,
     Nor thought of the women who loved them the best,
       Or the children expecting them home from the town;
     Oh! women must work and women must weep,
     When there’s all to be earned, and many to keep,
       And the tavern bar makes moaning.

     Three wives sat up past the midnight hour,
       And they trimmed their lamps till the moon went down,
     They wept o’er their work, and looked out through the shower,
       Till the night-rakes came reeling with menace and frown;
     But women must work, and women must weep,
     For storms are sudden when drink is deep,
       And the tavern bar makes moaning.

     Three husbands shake out life’s sodden sands
       In the morning gleam when the moon goes down,
     And women are weeping and wringing their hands,
       For those who will never go back to the town;
     But women must work, and women must weep,
     And the sooner its over, the sooner to sleep,
       And good-bye to the bar, and its moaning.

                               ――――

Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.

Parodies of the works of English & American authors, vol. III

Parodies of the works of English & American authors, vol. III

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