The only thought his rage to smother Is one we’ll hope will turn out true; ’Tis thus he mutters, “You’re another; As you’ve Hughes’d me, they’ll use you too.” _Judy._ ―――― FASHION. When foolish woman stoops to fashion, And finds tight-lacing doesn’t pay, But turns her grey, and brings a rash on Her nose no powder charms away; What best the horrid tints can cover? What hide the truth from every eye, Defying e’en keen sighted lover? ’Tis to _Enamel_ and to _Dye_. _Grins and Groans_, 1882. ―――― MINT SAUCE FOR LAMB. (_After Goldsmith._) When man, less faithful than the colley, Deserts his love and goes astray, What art can make the maiden jolly? What charm can drive her grief away? The way her grief to overcome is, Instead of lying down to die, To claim three thou for breach of promise, And show her swain the reason why. _Judy_, August 24, 1881. ―――― WOMAN’S RIGHTS. [Mrs. Longshore Potts says that, if a woman fall in love, custom ought not to debar her making some proposal.] When lovely woman’s melancholy, And finds she’s in a love-sick way, Must she be bound by custom’s folly, And never more her love betray? No! Helen must her heart discover To Modus; but if all in vain, And he should scorn to be her lover, Her sole resource is――try again. _Fun_, March 25, 1885. ―――― THE OMNIBUS. (_By an Old Bachelor._) If lovely woman seeks to enter The crowded ’bus in which you ride, Have you the heart to discontent her. Or would you rather go outside? I’m brute enough, I dare to state, Although it may the lady vex, To keep my seat, and let her wait―― I’ve “bussed” too many of the sex. _Gossip_, May 16, 1885. ―――― When lovely woman pines in folly Because her hair is turning gray, What charm can soothe her melancholy? What art can drive her grief away? The only art her woe to cover, To hide her age from every eye, To come the gum-game o’er her lover And to make her happy――is to dye! _Detroit Free Press_, August, 1885. ―――― The following, signed “By the Ghost of Goldsmith,” was picked up in the Queen’s Bench Division Court after the termination of the trial, Foli _v._ Bradshaw, that being an action for assault brought by the eminent singer, in May, 1884:―― “When lovely woman stoops to Foli, And lets her son with cudgels play, An action soon brings melancholy, And damages one has to pay.”