Incubi, demons, nightmares, owls, Vampires, goblins, ghosts, and ghouls, Visit that seat, and around it swarm In every possible shape and form. My life is a torture, a perfect curse―― My home is a dungeon, or something worse. I shall never be happy or freed from care Until I get rid of that old arm-chair. From _A Town Garland_, by HENRY S. LEIGH. (Chatto & Windus, London, 1878.) ―――― ON THE NEW ARM CHAIR. (Presented to Mr. Gladstone.) _The Pleased Premier Sings_:―― I love it, I love it; will WORMS, now, dare To nag me for loving my new Arm-chair? I shall treasure it long, ’tis a genuine prize, Of cosy make, of convenient size. ’Twill be bound to my heart by a thousand links, By memories pleasant of “forty winks.” Thanks, men of Greenwich, whose thoughtful care Supplies me this capital new Arm-chair. I have sat in the Commons this many a day, Till my eyes are dimmish, my locks gone grey: Oh, the hours I have lounged, and――with trouble――smiled Whilst CHURCHILL cheeked or the Pats ran wild; Till the Treasury cushions seemed cold as lead, And hard as a prisoner’s timber bed. By Jove, how I wish I could wheel _you_ there And lounge on your cushions, my new Arm-chair! But HARCOURT’S waiting, and I _must_ go; He can’t stand his Whitebait cold, you know. Were it not for the feed and these swells at my side, My talk might flow on in a lava-like tide. Ah! excuse this tear that bedews my cheek, I should very much like to talk on for a week. Now myself from your presence I really _must_ tear, But I thank you once more for my new Arm-chair. _Punch._ August 27, 1881. ―――― SCENE.――The House of Commons. The EX-SPEAKER is discovered gazing sadly at the seat he has lately vacated. At length, satisfying himself that he is alone, he relieves his soul in song as follows;―― “I loved it, I loved it; and who would dare To chide me for loving that Grand Old Chair? When they chose me first to its seat to rise, I looked on it then as a precious prize, And my heart with joy and with pride was big When I put on my new full-bottomed wig. I was under a spell as I first sat there, And a sacred thing was that Grand Old Chair! “And all at first happened well for me, And my life was calm as calm could be; The ‘Ayes’ were gentle, the ‘Noes’ were kind, And rarely to sitting late inclined; Whilst night after night ’twas my happy fate To retire for my ‘chop’ at half-past eight; To retire and return, unvexed by care, To sit――aye, and doze, in that Grand Old Chair!