Parodies of the works of English & American authors, vol. IV — John Shaqi
Parodies of the works of English & American authors, vol. IV
General
Parodies of the works of English & American authors, vol. IV
Parodies
MAN’S PLACE IN NATURE.
(_Dedicated to Darwin and Huxley._)
They told him gently he was made
Of nicely tempered mud,
That man no lengthened part had played
Anterior to the Flood.
’Twas all in vain; he heeded not,
Referring plant and worm,
Fish, reptile, ape, and Hottentot,
To one primordial germ.
They asked him whether he could bear
To think his kind allied
To all those brutal forms which were
In structure Pithecoid;
Whether he thought the apes and us
Homologous in form:
He said, “Homo and Pithecus
Come from one common germ.”
They called him “atheistical,”
“Sceptic,” and “infidel.”
They swore his doctrines without fail
Would plunge him into hell.
But he with proofs in no way lame,
Made this deduction firm,
That all organic beings came
From one primordial germ.
That as for the Noàchian flood,
’Twas long ago disproved,
That as for man being made of mud,
All by whom truth is loved.
Accept as fact what, malgré strife,
Research tends to confirm――
That man, and everything with life,
Came from one common germ.
_Tinsley’s Magazine._ 1868.
Contrast this refined _jeu d’esprit_ with the following specimen of
the kind of literature that is sold by street ballad singers. It was
printed at _Taylor’s_ Song Mart, Brick Lane, Bethnal Green, and sold
for one half-penny:――
FAITHLESS NELLY.
They told him gently she was gone
To the station house, and smil’d;
They led him to a dark back cell,
Where laid his squalling child.
For gin she had sold everything,
And spent all she could borrow;
“In the station house she sleeps,” says he,
“She’ll be out again to-morrow.”
Six policemen bore her to the cell,
Next day before the beak,
And for blacking a big policeman’s eye
She was sent up for a week.
Outside the Court the old man watch’d
Her into the van with sorrow;
Says he, “If I take you home to day,
You will be here again to morrow.”
They took her straight to Tothill Fields,
To grind wind on the mill,
But she scream’d aloud for a drop of gin,
They gave her an extra drill.
Six days after the old man saw
Her through the bars with sorrow;
Says she, “Old boy, I’m lock’d in now,
I shall be out again to-morrow.”
――――:o:――――
WINGS.
(Composed by DOLORES.)
Wings! to bear me over
Mountain and vale away;
Wings! to bathe my spirit
In morning’s sunny ray.
Wings! that I may hover
At morn above the sea;
Wings! thro’ life to bear me
And death triumphantly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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