“Yet though I the tartan foreswore, And the kilt and the philibeg too, And was able to shirk Both the sporran and dirk, And the bonnet of Roderick Dhu, Yet still I in public, ’twas clear, In some uniform must appear; So my mother-in-law Colonel Atherley saw, And I soon was a bold Volunteer! The Colonel, by fiction polite, Of the valorous Fifth Isle of Wight. “But when I its uniform donned, Of a dull and invisible green, With green, too, for facings, And few tags or lacings, I own that I thought it looked mean, Compared with the liveries splendid Of those on the Queen who attended. Aye, I felt it was hard That the Yeoman on guard Had a costume that mine far transcended; Whilst the flunkeys, I had to confess, Beat me too in the matter of dress. * * * * * “And so it at length was agreed, When we many projects had weigh’d, For me to petition A Captain’s Commission In Her Majesty’s Household Brigade; And as it was felt the jack-boot Would my legs most undoubtedly suit; And that I to assume The cuirass and the plume Was fine enough, past all dispute, ’Twas further decided that I The Life Guards to join should apply. “Meanwhile, though, I’m sorry to say, There has been some strange opposition; And I haven’t as yet Been enabled to get This much-desired Captain’s commission; And so I at present don’t dare, The uniform, handsome, to wear, But still must be seen, In my Volunteer Green, Whene’er in State functions I share; A fact I think well to disclose, To those who my purpose oppose. “And I, amongst these, I am told, Not only M.P.’s must include, But the officers, too, Who essay to taboo What they call my attempt to obtrude. But, surely, they will not maintain Their attitude now I’ve made plain Why it is that I fear To in public appear As a Volunteer Colonel again. No; when they my plight think upon They’ll let me their uniform don! _Truth._ March 4, 1886. ―――― WHEN I FIRST PUT JOE’S UNIFORM ON. (_Dissident Liberal_.)