When I first put Joe’s uniform on, I said as I looked in the glass, “A conscience that’s hearty Should rise above Party, And trust for support to the Mass. Independence of spirit is rare, But I’ll prove that of that I’ve to spare, While a patriot’s pleadings, Though backed by secedings. Are eloquent everywhere!” A fact that I counted upon, When I first put Joe’s uniform on! _Chorus of other Dissident Liberals_―― By a simple coincidence, few Could ever have reckoned upon, The same thing occurred to me, too! When I first put Joe’s uniform on! I said, when I first put it on, “It is plain to the veriest dunce, That every voter With duty for motor, Must plump for the Empire at once! They will see that a statesman debased By our Chamberlain squad has been placed In an odd situation To pass Separation. Which will surely be quite to their taste. Yes, that’s what I counted upon, When I first put Joe’s uniform on! _Chorus of other Dissident Liberals_―― By a simple coincidence, &c. But alas! now it’s come to the pinch, I discover, unfortunate man! That the Lib’ral elector Is not an objector To Gladstone’s deplorable plan. He ranks me with Tories――oh, dear! Nor do arguments specious appear To gammon the Caucus That’s striving to baulk us, And my chance in especial to “queer”! Which I never counted upon When I first put Joe’s uniform on! _Chorus of other Dissident Liberals_―― By a simple coincidence, few Could ever have reckoned upon, I damaged my prospects――like you―― When I first put Joe’s uniform on! _Funny Folks._ June 26, 1886. Another parody of this song appeared in _The Wheel World_ for June, 1882. ―――― THE COLONEL’S SONG. If you want a receipt for that popular mystery, Known to the world as a Heavy Dragoon, Take all the remarkable people in history, Rattle them off to a popular tune. The pluck of Lord Nelson on board of the _Victory_―― Genius of Bismarck devising a plan; The humour of Fielding (which sounds contradictory,) Coolness of Paget, about to trepan. Take of these elements all that is fusible, Melt them all down in a pipkin or crucible, Set them to simmer and take off the scum, And a heavy Dragoon is the residuum!