A common-place young girl; A decidedly rare young girl; Stay home at night, Do what is right. Help-her-old-mother young girl. A hard-to-find young girl; A reader-of-fact young girl; An extra poetical, Anti-æsthetical, Care-nothing-for-novels young girl. A minus her bangs young girl; A show-on-her-brains young girl; With an unpowdered face; One that don’t lace, A dress-for-her-health young girl. An up-in-the-morning young girl; A help-in-the-wash young girl; One that can rub, Not afraid of the tub, A roll-up-her-sleeves young girl. A quiet-and-modest young girl; A sweet-and-pure young girl; An upright, ambitious, Lovely, delicious, A pride-of-the-home young girl. A remarkably scarce young girl; A very much wanted young girl; A truly-American, Too-utter paragon, The kind-that-I-like young girl. _New York Independent._ ――――:o:―――― IOLANTHE; OR, THE PEER AND THE PERI. ――――:o:―――― PLAYERS AT PLAYING. _Chorus of Fashionable Amateurs._ When upon the stage we play, Tantantara! Our acting that of pro’s surpasses, Yaas! So pro’s and public, please, make way, And view us through your opera-glasses, Tantantara! Make room! Bow, bow, ye playhouse-loving masses, We’re taught by “coaches” and in classes, Such the power of brass is, that, although we’re asses To act we all presume. Though we boast high rank and station, Acting is our recreation, And we startle all the nation, Tantantara! Make room! _Solo._ Spurn not the wealthy swell (Whose mind’s affected), Nor with disdain repel Pro’s self-elected. Once we would sink with shame If actors near us came, Now by rich swell and dame That art’s respected. We swells! We swells! Fair actresses would once select And them “protect,” But now we act ourselves――we swells! _Chorus._ In tragedy and comedy to shine is our intention. _Swells._ Yaas, yaas――for acting is in vogue; And we hope the pwo’s appweciate our gwacious condescension. _Pro’s._ To Colney Hatch you ought to be removed, _we_ say, You noodles pay to act, and of engagements you defraud us, And often through your little game adversity has gnawed us. _Swells._