But look how it amuses us, and how our fwiends applaud us―― Besides, it is “the thing,” you know, at acting now to play. When we seek the “coach” or the S.D.A., And wish some famous part to play, The “coach” wesponds to us, “Just so; At a matinée you must show. “To a matinée you must go, Sir (or ma’am) of highest quality, You’ll appear at the Fwivolity, At a matinée you shall show!” Then each of us fwom gay Belgwaviah Thinks himself the Stage’s saviah; And all our fwiends their plaudits thunder, Voting each of us a wonder. _Pro’s and Public._ When Billy Shakespeare ruled the stage In good Queen Bess’s reign, The swells did not to act attempt; But they wern’t then, as now, exempt From anything like brain. And yet Thalia won her bays In quaint Queen Bess’s glorious days. When David Garrick drew the town, With Woffington la belle, No Upper-Ten folks paid to play, And yet the Drama, strange to say, Succeeded very well, It did without the swellish craze In David Garrick’s glorious days. And then again, in later times, (Say, up at Sadler’s Wells), The Drama, somehow, kept alive, And still it managed to survive Without the aid of swells. And actors won renown and praise In dear old Samuel Phelps’s days. _Carados._ To escape there is a way: Don’t go! Whene’r these idiots play, Don’t go! They’ve L.S.D., These would-be pro’s Each fancies he Great genius shows. But no: Take warning from this lay: Don’t go! CARADOS. _The Referee._ April, 1883. ――――:o:―――― THE LAY OF THE LORD CHIEF JUSTICE.[24] A Lord Chief Justice, by common consent, Is Law’s most lovely embodiment; For the Chancellor, though a thing of dread, Is a sort of a perfunctory figurehead. And that is why the American Bar Have selected _Me_ to travel afar. A very agreeable jaunt, and one That will lead, I trust, to some excellent fun, And furnish a capital holiday For a most mellifluous Lord Chief J. _All_――And furnish, &c.