I sing a comic-tragedy, Of Bradlaugh, Anti-Royalist, Who once dethroned Victoria, And stamped out every loyalist; That is, he would have changed our rule, That folks might ne’er forget him, His will was good to do the deed, That is――if they’d have let him. With his bow, wow, wow, B. the Bashful at the helm, The Queen B. at the prow. He marched his mob to Palace Yard, Stalked right up to the Speaker, Prostrated all the Treasury Bench, Turned Brand into a squeaker; That is, he fully meant to make This brilliant _coup de grace_, sir, But Bobbies don’t like rowdies, So they wouldn’t let him pass, sir, With his row, row, row. He laid about him with the mace, Sent statesmen sprawling left and right, Then rushed and popped beneath the Throne A ha’pennyworth of dynamite; That is, he would have blown ’em up (In metaphor, I mean, sir) If Northcote had helped Gladstone’s trick, But he wasn’t quite so green, sir. Not just now――ow――ow. When he’d made the Peerage disappear, The Queen an abdicator, He made the Chanc’llor his cashier, And dubbed himself Dictator; Thought he, if Dilke or Chamberlain, Or Bright can turn “Court flunkey,” There’s something in’t,――but hopelessness Of winning made him funky. Bow――ow――ow. He gave himself the Church’s spoils, Crown lands to the Residuum, Re-named our loved Victorian Realm, The Republic of Besantium; That is, he would this tribute pay, To woman’s worth and station, But the People’s will did sore confound This moral combination. Somehow――ow――ow. And as for those Allegiance Oaths, Let them remain he wouldn’t; The poor must have no children, Because Malthus said they shouldn’t;―― That is, he thought it just as well The Statute Books to wipe out, But Gladstone’s lot cold-shouldered him, And Juries put his pipe out, And his yow――ow――ow. He confiscated all the wealth, That spoiled the upper classes, But did not share it with his mob, Whom he somehow called “the-m-asses;” That is, he feared that lucre might Pollute the people’s mind, sir, But then he never got the power, Pooh! nothing of the kind, sir. Bow――ow――ow.