And so, of ill-got property, The rich he’d disencumber, To secure the greatest benefit For the greatest number; That is, he’d thus have ruled the folk, If they hadn’t said “Begone, sir!” For they guessed his greatest number might Perhaps, be Number One, sir, With his bow, wow, wow, sirs. You can’t make silken purses from The best ears of a sow, sirs. _Blasts from Bradlaugh’s own Trumpet_, by ION. London: Houlston & Sons. ―――― A DAMP WATER PARTY. I sing a doleful tragedy that gives one quite a shiver, sir, All of a water party that once sail’d upon a river, sir, That is, they would have sailed on it, if there they’d chanced to get, sir; But the rain came down in torrents, and the river was quite wet, sir! Oh! dear, oh! Now, wasn’t this a stop to all their row, row, row? At Where-was-it this party was, and there, at many tea-tables, The guests were gathered in a tent, intent upon the eatables; That is, they would all have been out on the verdant grass, sir, But al-fresco luncheons ain’t the thing when the rain comes in your glass, sir! Oh! dear, oh! &c. Upon the table there was set each kind of cake and custard, And every dish that cooks have e’er invented there was mustered; That is, there would have been had they been laid within the house, sir, But the rain converted every dish, and turned it into “souse,” sir! Oh! dear, oh &c. Good things abounded on all sides, and every kind of wine was there, And empty bottles prov’d that many a votary of the vine was there; That is, they would have proved so if the wine they’d chanced to get, sir, But Teetotallers got water, the rest had “heavy wet,” sir! Oh! dear, oh! &c. And when champagne had brought real joy, and all the lunch was ended, They look’d up at the bright blue sky, and said, “The weather’s splendid!” That is, they would have said so, but――to use a vulgar name, sir―― The blue was all a “blue look out,” and the weather was the same, sir! Oh! dear, oh! &c. * * * * * (_Three verses omitted._) And so all things were turned to fun, and dancing closed the night, sir, And music played, and hearts were light, and eyes were shining bright, sir; So long may water parties reign, and always have fine weather, sir, To shine upon the company that there have met together, sir, So, be it so, For then they may take boats and barge, and Row, row, row!