Was none who would be foremost To lead this fell attack? No: those behind cried “forward!” And those in front cried “back!” And backward now and forward Wavered the deep array, Till, all at once, the warrior bold And Kander, shepherd of the fold, And the country correspondent too, With fright all shivering cold and blue, Turned tail and ran away. And the great Sir V. O. Verandah, With all his Sludgeboro’ men, Fled for their lives and safety Through marsh and lake and fen; Nor paused to look behind them, All pale and white with fear, Till they had reached the furthest shores Of the gloomy Sludgeboro’ mere. * * * * * And in future generations, In Dryburgh’s lofty town, When we, and our great grandchildren By time have been cut down, In the freezing nights of winter, When the blinding snow-storm falls, And the boys are making tennis-nets, And the girls are washing balls, When the good man mends his racket, And tightens up the strings, When the good wife plies her needle, And mends her winter things, Will children gather round the fire, And the story will be told, How well their champions fought the fight On Sludgeboro’ marsh, on Dryburgh height In the famous days of old. _From Pastime._ September 28, 1883. This parody was afterwards reprinted in _Tennis Cuts and Quips_. Field and Tuer. London. THE BATTLE OF THE ASSES’ BRIDGE. Triangle Equilateral By Algebra he swore, That his good friend, Isosceles, Should suffer wrong no more. By Algebra he swore it, And named a fighting day, And bade his angles hurry forth―― East and west and south and north―― To summon to the fray. East and west, and north and south, The angles hurry fast. And problem old and Theorem Have heard the trumpet blast. Shame on the Point that has no parts The Circle that would quake, When Equilateral has sworn The Asses’ Bridge to take. * * * * * And now they are assembled, The tale of fighting men, The Decimals in hundreds are, The Units one to ten. Equations all quadratical, Drawn out in long array; Oh, proud was Equilateral Upon the fighting day! But on the Bridge of Asses Was tumult and affright, For all the lines below the base Were stricken at the sight. They held a council standing, Upon the narrow ridge, Hard lines I wis in times like this ’Twould take to save the Bridge. Then outspake gallant Alpha, On the Apex full in view, “A Dog they say shall have his day, A Bridge must have it too; And how can man die better, When things come to this pass, Than fighting as first letter In the sacred name of ASS?”