If you were Queen of Pleasure, And I were King Champagne, We’d hunt the bard together, Pluck out his inked goose-feather, And leave him “feet” and “measure,” But muddle his poor brain―― If you were Queen of Pleasure, And I were King Champagne. From _Lunatic Lyrics_, by Alfred Greenland, Junior. London, Tinsley Brothers. 1882. ―――― A PHILISTINE TO AN ÆSTHETE. (_By an Oxford Under grad who “makes hay” in an Æsthete’s room “while the sun shines.”_) If I were big NAT LANGHAM, And you the Suffolk Pet, I’d strike out from the shoulder, Between your eyes, you’ll bet, And give you such a drubbing, As you would not forget; If I were big NAT LANGHAM, And you the Suffolk Pet. If I were Jockey ARCHER, And you my racing horse, I’d give you such a breather Across a stiff race-course, That you would think your fortunes Had altered for the worse; If I were Jockey Archer, And you my racing-horse. * * * * * If I were a wild Indian, And you were my canoe, I’d shoot with you the rapids, Like the wild Indians do, And care not if by drowning Myself I could drown you; If I were a wild Indian, And you were my canoe. _Punch._ April 1, 1882. ―――― In _Pictures at Play_, by two Art-Critics, illustrated by Harry Furniss (Longmans, Green & Co.), a dialogue is given between a portrait of Mr. Gladstone by Frank Holl (No. 499), and a bust of the same gentleman by Albert Toft (No. 1,928). The Bust (supposed to represent Mr. Gladstone in his younger days) thus addresses the Portrait:―― I am your Dr. Jekyll And you’re my Mr. Hyde, On _my_ head mortals wreak ill, (I am your Dr. Jekyll) Of _me_ they often speak ill, By _you_ left undenied,―― I am your Dr. Jekyll And you’re my Mr. Hyde! They say _I’ve_ turned my coat, sir, ’Tis _you_ should bear the blame, Sold England for a vote, sir, They say _I’ve_ turned my coat, sir, Made friends with “Skin the Goat,” sir. Or Ford, who’s much the same; They say _I’ve_ turned my coat, sir, ’Tis _you_ should bear the blame. Be either you or I, sir, Be Jekyll please, or Hyde, The Statesman pure and high, sir, (Be either you or I, sir) Or cast your virtues by, sir, And take the darker side, Be either you or I, sir, Be Jekyll, please, or Hyde. ――――:o:―――― In October 1885 the _English Illustrated Magazine_ published a short poem by Mr. Swinburne, which the Editor of the _Weekly Dispatch_ shortly afterwards reprinted, in his competition column, and invited Parodies upon it:―― THE INTERPRETERS.