So gradually our meetings became less frequent, though I knew that
every afternoon she waited in the quiet Stainsby Road, where dwelt in
semi-detached, six-roomed villas the aristocracy of Poplar, and that
after awhile, for arriving late at times I have been witness to the
sad fact, tears would trace pathetic patterns upon her dust-besprinkled
cheeks; and with the advent of the world-illuminating Barbara, to which
event I am drawing near, they ceased altogether.
So began and ended my first romance. One of these days--some quiet
summer's afternoon, when even the air of Pigott Street vibrates with
tenderness beneath the whispered sighs of Memory, I shall walk into the
little grocer's shop and boldly ask to see her. So far have I already
gone as to trace her, and often have I tried to catch sight of her
through the glass door, but hitherto in vain. I know she is the more
or less troubled mother of a numerous progeny. I am told she has grown
stout, and probable enough it is that her tongue has gained rather than
lost in sharpness. Yet under all the unrealities the clumsy-handed world
has built about her, I shall see, I know, the lithesome little maid with
fond, admiring eyes. What help they were to me I never knew till I had
lost them. How hard to gain such eyes I have learned since. Were we to
write the truth in our confession books, should we not admit the quality
we most admire in others is admiration of ourselves? And is it not a
wise selection? If you would have me admirable, my friend, admire me,
and speak your commendation without stint that in the sunshine of your
praises I may wax. For indifference maketh an indifferent man, and
contempt a contemptible man. Come, is it not true? Does not all that is
worthy in us grow best by honour?
Chief among the remaining figures on my childhood's stage were the many
servants of our house, the “generals,” as they were termed. So rapid,
as a rule, was their transit through our kitchen that only one or two,
conspicuous by reason of their lingering, remain upon my view. It was a
neighbourhood in which domestic servants were not much required. Those
intending to take up the calling seriously went westward. The local
ranks were recruited mainly from the discontented or the disappointed,
from those who, unappreciated at home, hoped from the stranger more
discernment; or from the love-lorn, the jilted and the jealous, who took
the cap and apron as in an earlier age their like would have taken the
veil. Maybe, to the comparative seclusion of our basement, as contrasted
with the alternative frivolity of shop or factory, they felt in such
mood more attuned. With the advent of the new or the recovery of the old
young man they would plunge again into the vain world, leaving my poor
mother to search afresh amid the legions of the cursed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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