“I can offer you a heart always faithful in truth though not in seeming,
for I never loved that child. I would give years of happy life to undo
that act and be again the man you trusted. I can offer you a name which
shall yet be an honorable one, despite the stain an hour's madness cast
upon it. You once taunted me with cowardice because I dared not face the
world and conquer it. I dare do that now; I long to escape from this
disgraceful servitude, to throw myself into the press, to struggle and
achieve for your dear sake. I can offer you strength, energy,
devotion--three gifts worthy any woman's acceptance who possesses power
to direct, reward, and enjoy them as you do, Pauline. Because with your
presence for my inspiration, I feel that I can retrieve my faultful
past, and with time become God's noblest work--an honest man. Babie
never could exert this influence over me. You can, you will, for now my
earthly hope is in your hands, my soul's salvation in your love.”
If that love had not died a sudden death, it would have risen up to
answer him as the one sincere desire of an erring life cried out to her
for help, and this man, as proud as sinful, knelt down before her with a
passionate humility never paid at any other shrine, human or divine. It
seemed to melt and win her, for he saw the color ebb and flow, heard the
rapid beating of her heart, felt the hand tremble in his own, and
received no denial but a lingering doubt, whose removal was a keen
satisfaction to himself.
“Tell me, before I answer, are you sure that Manuel loves Babie?”
“I am; for every day convinces me that he has outlived the brief
delusion, and longs for liberty, but dares not ask it. Ah! that pricks
pride! But it is so. I have watched with jealous vigilance and let no
sign escape me; because in his infidelity to you lay my chief hope. Has
he not grown melancholy, cold, and silent? Does he not seek Babie and,
of late, shun you? Will he not always yield his place to me without a
token of displeasure or regret? Has he ever uttered reproach, warning,
or command to you, although he knows I was and am your lover? Can you
deny these proofs, or pause to ask if he will refuse to break the tie
that binds him to a woman, whose superiority in all things keeps him a
subject where he would be a king? You do not know the heart of man if
you believe he will not bless you for his freedom.”
Like the cloud which just then swept across the valley, blotting out its
sunshine with a gloomy shadow, a troubled look flitted over Pauline's
face. But if the words woke any sleeping fear she cherished, it was
peremptorily banished, for scarcely had the watcher seen it than it was
gone. Her eyes still shone upon the ground, and still she prolonged the
bittersweet delight at seeing this humiliation of both soul and body by
asking the one question whose reply would complete her sad success.
“Gilbert, do you believe I love you still?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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