Anyway he was out of it, and Margaret Brandt was henceforth nothing to
him. If he said it once he said it hundreds of times, as if the simple
reiteration of so obvious a truth would make it one whit the truer,
when his whole heart was clamouring that Margaret was all the worlds
to him and the only thing in the world that he wanted.
With an eye, perhaps, to his obvious lack of cheerfulness, his
namesake and host suggested various diversions,--fishing for congers
and rock-fish, a voyage round the island, a trip across to Herm, a day
among the rabbits on. Brecqhou. But he wanted none of them. His life
was flapping on a broken wing and all he wanted was to be left alone.
In time the wound would heal, and he would take up his work again and
find his solace in it. But wounds such as this are not healed in a
day. It was raw and sore yet, the new skin had not had time to form.
He recalled Lady Elspeth's dissatisfaction with his love-scenes, and
thought, grimly, that now he could at all events enter fully into the
feelings of the man who had lost the prize, and would be able to
depict them to the life. If the choice had been left to him he would
gladly have dispensed with all such knowledge to its profoundest
depths, if only the prize had remained to him. But the choice had been
Margaret's, and the prize was Charles Pixley's.
If there was one thing he could have imagined without actual
experience, it was how a man may feel when he loses. What he could not
at present by any possibility conceive was--how it might feel to be
the accepted lover of such a girl as Margaret Brandt.
Confound her money! If it were not for that, Pixley would probably
never have wanted to marry her. Money was answerable for half the
ills of life, and the contrariness of woman for the other half.
Confound money! Confound--Well, truly, his state of mind was not a
happy one.
X
But there was something in the crisp Sark air that, by degrees and all
unconsciously, braced both mind and body;--something broadening and
uplifting in the wide free outlook from every headland; something
restorative of the grip of life in the rush and roar of the mighty
waves and the silent endurance of the rocks; something so large and
aloof and restful in the wide sweep of sea and sky; something so
hopeful and regenerative in the glorious exuberance of the spring--the
flaming gorse, the mystic stretches of bluebells, the sunny sweeps of
primroses, the soft uncurlings of the bracken, the bursting life of
the hedgerows, the joyous songs of the larks--that presently, and in
due season, earthly worries began to fall back into their proper
places below the horizon, and a new Graeme--a Graeme born of Sark and
Trouble--looked out of the old Graeme eyes and began to contemplate
life from new points of view.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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