Atonement -- Fiction; Clergy -- England -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction
No; nothing was too bad for him--not even the one thing that he would
feel more than all the rest in bulk. He put his mind on that one thing.
He dwelt upon it, wilfully, not in conscious self-pity, but as one eager
to meet his punishment half-way, to shirk none of it. The attitude was
characteristic. The sacrificial spirit informed the man. In another age
and another Church he had done barbaric violence to his own flesh in the
name of mortification. Living in the latter half of the nineteenth
century, a mere Anglican, he was content to play tricks with a fine
constitution in Lent.
"I will look my last upon it," he said aloud: "it would be insulting God
and man to attempt to take another service after this; I have held my
last, and laid my last stone. Let me see what I have sown for others to
reap."
And he picked his way through the darkness to the church.
The path intersected a narrow meadow with the hay newly cut, and lying
in tussocks under the stars; a light fence divided this reef of glebe
from the churchyard; and, just within the latter, a lean-to shed faced
the scaffolding of the north transept, its back against the fence. The
shed was flimsy and small, but it had come out of the rector's pocket;
the transepts themselves were to be his gift, because the living was too
good for a celibate priest, and it was his sermons that had made the
church too small. So he had paid for everything, even to the mason's
tools inside the shed, because Tom Ivey had never had a contract before
and lacked capital. And the out-door interest of the building had formed
a healthy complement to the engrossing affairs of the sanctuary; and,
indeed, they had developed side by side. Perhaps the material changes
had proved the more absorbing to one who threw himself headlong into
whatsoever he undertook. Of late, especially, it had been remarked that
the reverend was taking quite an extraordinary part in these
proceedings: cultivating a knack he had of carving in stone; neglecting
cottages for his mason's shed; and tiring himself out by day like a man
who dreads the night. How he had dreaded it none had known, but now all
might guess.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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