Atonement -- Fiction; Clergy -- England -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction
"Why must you insult me?" he cried. "Do you think that's the way to get
me to do anything? Or are you bent upon having me up for assault? For
heaven's sake remember your own manhood, Sir Wilton, and respect mine;
don't trade too far upon my readiness to admit that I am all men choose
to call me. Have a little pride! I am ready to take my punishment, and
more. I will keep away from the place as much as possible. If I can let
the rectory, that will be so much more money for the church. Don't
oppose me; if you can't help me by your countenance (and I grant you
it's more than I have a right to expect), at least be neutral, and let
me work out my own salvation in my own way. It will make no difference
to the past. It may make all the difference in the future. God knows I
can't reinstate myself in His sight and in the hearts of men by building
a church! But I can leave behind me a sign of my sorrow and my true
penitence. I can leave behind me a name and an example, bad enough in
all conscience, but yet not wholly vile to the very last. And think what
even that would be to me! And think what it would be if I could but pave
the way, not to forgiveness, but to some reconciliation with those whom
I have loved but led amiss . . . Well, that may be too much to hope
. . . no, I have no right to dream of that . . . but at least let me
make the one material reparation in my power; let me do my duty! When
it is done, if you and they will have no more of me, then you shall all
be rid of me for good."
Gleed wavered, partly because in mere personality he was no match for
the other, partly because the prospect of a new church for nothing made
its own appeal to the man who had counted the cost of the broken
windows. His mind ran over the pecuniary scheme and detected a flaw.
"And what's to become of the parish for the next five years?" he asked.
"Who's to pay a man to do your work?"
"There's the stipend I cannot touch and would not if I could; a part of
that will doubtless be set aside. Until the church is habitable,
however, the case will probably be met by one of the curates coming over
from Lakenhall and taking a service in the schoolroom."
"And how do _you_ know?" cried Sir Wilton, not unjustifiably.
"The bishop sent for me," said Carlton--and his eyes fell. "I ventured
to speak to him on the subject before I left. Do you think I don't care
what happens here in my absence? I hope the services will begin next
Sunday--the building next week. I have worked the whole thing out. I
could show you the figures and the plans. The new ones are ready, if you
can call them new. I shall be my own architect as before for the
transepts, but the rest shall be exactly as it was."
"We'll see about that," said Sir Wilton grimly. He knew those melting
eyes, that enthusiastic voice. They had brought their hundreds to this
man's feet before. They might do so again. Even the squire felt their
power in his own despite.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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