Atonement -- Fiction; Clergy -- England -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction
In the afternoon he tidied the shed. Every tool was intact; a little
rust had been the worst intruder; and the feel of the cool sleek handles
quickened Carlton's pulse. Nay, the hammer rang a few strokes on the
cold-chisel, for he could not help it, and the music reminded him of his
poor bells, now cumbering the porch; it was almost as good to hear; and
the way the soft stone peeled, in creamy flakes, thrilled the hand as it
charmed the eye. But a very few minutes served to make the enthusiast
ashamed of his enthusiasm; and though he spent more time in the ruins,
now testing a standing wall, now scraping a charred stone, ardour and
determination had died down in an eye that was looking within; a wistful
irresolution flickered in their place. And that night the lonely man
walked his room once more, from twilight to twilight, with long
intervals spent upon his knees, in agonies of doubt and self-distrust,
in passionate entreaty for a right judgment, and for the strength to
abide by it. Yet his duty had not dawned upon him with the day.
Towards eleven the school-bell tinkled. It was Sunday once more; and
once more he read the prayers upon his knees and the psalms and lessons
standing; but no sermon to-day. No man could help him in his struggle
with himself; he must trust to the strength of his own soul, to the
singleness of his own heart, and to the guidance of the God who was
drawing nearer and nearer to him in these days--with each prayer that
rose from his heart--with each bead that stood upon his brow. And so at
last, when the burden of doubt and darkness became more than the man
could bear, it was as though the heavens had opened, and a beam of
celestial light flooded the narrow room with the low ceiling and the
cross-beams; for the peace of a mind made up had descended upon the
solitary therein. And that night his sleep was sound, so that in the
morning he had to ask himself why; the answer made him catch his breath;
it did not shake his resolve.
"He shall have his chance," said Carlton; "he shall have it fairly to
his face. And he will take it--and that will be the end!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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