Peck's Sunshine: Being a Collection of Articles Written for Peck's Sun,; Milwaukee, Wis. - 1882Peck, George W. (George Wilbur)
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Peck's Sunshine: Being a Collection of Articles Written for Peck's Sun,; Milwaukee, Wis. - 1882
Peck, George W. (George Wilbur)
American wit and humor
Four of them said they remembered it well enough, and Jim said all he
asked was to live long enough to get even with Bill Smith, the Chicago
preacher, for suggesting to him to steal a bee-hive on the trip. “Why,”
said he, “before I had got twenty feet with that hive, every bee in it
had stung me a dozen times. And do you remember how we played it on
the professor, and made him believe that I had the chicken-pox? O,
gentlemen, a glorious immortality awaits you beyond the grave for lying
me out of that scrape.”
The fat man hitched around uneasy in his chair and said they all seemed
to have forgotten the principal event of that excursion, and that was
how he tried to lift a bull dog over the fence by the teeth, which had
become entangled in a certain portion of his wardrobe that should not be
mentioned, and how he left a sample of his trousers in the possession
of the dog, and how the farmer came to the college the next day with
his eyes blacked, and a piece of trousers cloth done up in a paper, and
wanted the professor to try and match it with the pants of some of the
divinity students, and how he had to put on a pair of nankeen pants and
hide his cassimeres in the boat house until the watermelon scrape blew
over and he could get them mended.
Then the small brunette minister asked if he was not entitled to some
credit for blacking the farmer's eyes. Says he: “When he got over the
fence and grabbed the near horse by the bits, and said he would have the
whole gang in jail, I felt as though something had got to be done, and
I jumped out on the other side of the wagon and walked around to him and
put up my hands and gave him 'one, two, three' about the nose, with my
blessing, and he let go that horse and took his dog back to the house.”
“Well,” says the red haired minister, “those melons were green, anyway,
but it was the fun of stealing them that we were after.”
At this point the door opened and the host entered, and, pushing the
smoke away with his hands, he said: “Well, gentlemen, are you enjoying
yourselves?”
They threw their cigar stubs in the spittoon, the solemn man laid the
brier wood pipe where he got it, and the fat man said:
“Brother Drake, we have been discussing the evil effects of indulging
in the weed, and we have come to the conclusion that while tobacco is
always bound to be used to a certain extent by the thoughtless, it is
a duty the clergy owe to the community to discountenance its use on all
possible occasions. Perhaps we had better adjourn to the parlor, and
after asking divine guidance take our departure.”
After they had gone the host looked at his cigar box, and came to
the conclusion that somebody must have carried off some cigars in his
pocket.
AN ARM THAT IS NOT RELIABLE.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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