Peck's Sunshine: Being a Collection of Articles Written for Peck's Sun,; Milwaukee, Wis. - 1882Peck, George W. (George Wilbur)
General
Peck's Sunshine: Being a Collection of Articles Written for Peck's Sun,; Milwaukee, Wis. - 1882
Peck, George W. (George Wilbur)
American wit and humor
We are astonished to see that a Boston dealer in canned goods has
failed. If there is one branch of business that ought to be solid it
is that of canning fruits and things, for there must be the almightiest
profit on it that there is on anything. It must be remembered that the
stuff is canned when it is not salable in its natural state.
If the canners took tomatoes, for instance, when they first came around,
at half a dollar for six, and canned them, there would be some excuse
for charging twenty-five cents for a tin thing full, but they wait until
the vines are so full of tomatoes that the producer will pay the cartage
if you will haul them away, and then the tomatoes are dipped into hot
water so the skin will drop off, and they are chucked into cans that
cost two cents each, and you pay two shillings for them, when you
get hungry for tomatoes. The same way with peas, and peaches, and
everything.
Did you ever try to eat canned peas? They are always old back numbers
that are as hard and tasteless as chips, and are canned after they have
been dried for seed. We bought a can of peas once for two shillings and
couldn't crack them with a nut cracker. But they were not a dead loss,
as we used them the next fall for buck shot. Actually, we shot a coon
with a charge of those peas, and he came down and struck the water, and
died of the cholera morbus the next day.
Talk of canned peaches; in the course of a brilliant career of forty
years we have never seen only six cans of peaches that were worth the
powder to blast them open. A man that will invent a can opener that will
split open one of these pale, sickly, hard hearted canned peaches, that
swim around in a pint of slippery elm juice in a tin can, has got a
fortune. And they have got to canning pumpkin, and charging money for
it.
Why, for a dollar a canning firm can buy pumpkins enough to fill all
the tin cans that they can make in a year, and yet they charge a fellow
twenty cents for a can of pumpkin, and then the canning establishment
fails. It must be that some raw pumpkin has soured on the hands of the
Boston firm, or may be, and now we think we are on the right track to
ferret out the failure, it may be that the canning of Boston baked beans
is what caused the stoppage.
We had read of Boston baked beans since school days, and had never seen
any till four years ago, when we went to a picnic and bought a can
to take along. We new how baked beans ought to be cooked from years'
experience, but supposed the Boston bean must hold over every other
bean, so when the can was opened and we found that every bean was
separate from every other bean, and seemed to be out on its own
recognizance, and that they were as hard as a flint, we gave them to
the children to play marbles with, and soured on Boston baked beans.
Probably it was canning Boston beans that broke up the canning
establishment.
*****
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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