Peck's Sunshine: Being a Collection of Articles Written for Peck's Sun,; Milwaukee, Wis. - 1882Peck, George W. (George Wilbur)
General
Peck's Sunshine: Being a Collection of Articles Written for Peck's Sun,; Milwaukee, Wis. - 1882
Peck, George W. (George Wilbur)
American wit and humor
The trouble does not begin until she has company, and decides to tap
a little of her choice fruit. After the supper is well under way, she
sends for a jar, and tells the servant to unscrew the top, and pour the
fruit into a dish. The girl brings it into the kitchen, and proceeds to
unscrew the top. She works gently at first, then gets mad, wrenches at
it, sprains her wrist, and begins to cry, with her nose on the underside
of her apron, and skins her nose on the dried pancake batter that is
hidden in the folds of the apron.
Then the little house-wife takes hold of the fruit can, smilingly, and
says she will show the girl how to take off the top. She sits down
on the wood-box, takes the glass jar between her knees, runs out her
tongue, and twists. But the cover does not twist. The cover seems to
feel as though it was placed there to keep guard over that fruit, and
it is as immovable as the Egyptian pyramids. The little lady works until
she is red in the face, and until her crimps all come down, and then she
sets it down to wait for the old man to come home. He comes in tired,
disgusted, and mad as a hornet, and when the case is laid before him, he
goes out in the kitchen and pulls off his coat, and takes the jar.
He remarks that he is at a loss to know what women are made for, anyway.
He says they are all right to sit around and do crochet work, but
whenever strategy, brain, and muscle are required, then they can't get
along without a man. He tries to unscrew the cover, and his thumb slips
off and knocks skin off the knuckle. He breathes a silent prayer and
calls for the kerosene can, and pours a little of it into the crevice,
and lets it soak, and then he tries again, and swears audibly.
Then he calls for a tack-hammer, and taps the cover gently on one side,
the glass jar breaks, and the juice runs down his trousers leg, on the
table and all around. Enough of the fruit is saved for supper, and the
old man goes up the back stairs to tie his thumb up in a rag, and change
his pants.
All come to the table smiling, as though nothing had happened, and the
house-wife don't allow any of the family to have any sauce for fear they
will get broken glass into their stomachs, but the “company” is provided
for generously, and all would be well only for a remark of a little boy
who, when asked if he will have some more of the sauce, says he “don't
want no strawberries pickled in kerosene.” The smiling little hostess
steals a smell of the sauce, while they are discussing politics, and
believes she does smell kerosene, and she looks at the old man kind of
spunky, when he glances at the rag on his thumb and asks if there is no
liniment in the house. The preserving of fruit in glass jars is broken
up in that house, and four dozen jars are down cellar to lay upon the
lady's mind till she gets a chance to send some of them to a charity
picnic. The glass jar fruit can business is played out unless a scheme
can be invented to get the top off.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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