Peck's Sunshine: Being a Collection of Articles Written for Peck's Sun,; Milwaukee, Wis. - 1882 — John Shaqi
Peck's Sunshine: Being a Collection of Articles Written for Peck's Sun,; Milwaukee, Wis. - 1882Peck, George W. (George Wilbur)
General
Peck's Sunshine: Being a Collection of Articles Written for Peck's Sun,; Milwaukee, Wis. - 1882
Peck, George W. (George Wilbur)
American wit and humor
Another thing, we would advise Mr. Arthur not to use a milking stool
with one leg, but to get one with three legs. It is undignified in any
man to stretch out on a barn floor, with a one-legged milk stool kicking
him in the pistol pocket, a pail of milk distributing itself over his
person, and a frightened cow backed up in a stall threatening to hook
his daylights out, and it would be more undignified in a President of
the United States. Get a three-legged stool, by all means, or use an
empty soap box to sit on.
If all this unsolicited but well meant advice is taken, the country will
be in no danger from Arthur's decision to keep a cow, and we shall hope
to see him on some fine morning next summer, as the sun is tinging the
eastern horizon with its ray as he slaps her on the rump with a piece of
barrel stave, or we will accept an invitation to visit his barn and show
him how to mix a bran mash that will wake to ecstacy the aforesaid cow,
and cause her milk to flow like back pay from the treasury.
When it comes to cows we deserve a cabinet position.
SHALL THERE BE HUGGING IN THE PARKS?
The law-abiding people of this community were startled on Tuesday,
and the greatest indignation prevailed at an editorial article in the
_Sentinel_ denouncing the practice of hugging in the public parks. The
article went on to show that the placing of seats in the parks leads
to hugging, and the editor denounced hugging in the most insane manner
possible.
The _Sun_ does not desire to enter politics, but when a great
constitutional question like this comes up, it will be found on the side
of the weak against the strong.
The _Sentinel_ advises the removal of the seats from the park because
hugging is done on them. Great heavens! has it come to this? Are the
dearest rights of the American citizen to be abridged in this summary
manner? Let us call the attention of that powerful paper to a clause in
the Declaration of Independence, which asserts that “all men are created
free and equal, endowed with certain inalienable rights, among which are
life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” When the framers of that
great Declaration of Independence were at work on that clause, they must
have had in view the pastime of hugging in the parks.
Hugging is certainly a “pursuit of happiness.” People do not hug for
wages--that is, except on the stage. Nobody is obliged to hug. It is a
sort of spontaneous combustion, as it were, of the feelings, and has to
have proper conditions of the atmosphere to make it a success. Parties
who object to hugging are old, usually, and have been satiated, and are
like a lemon that has done duty in circus lemonade. If they had a job of
hugging, they would want to hire a man to do it for them.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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