"'I should have told you before, that I had another visiter early in the morning, besides Mr. H. This was a Mr. P----, a respectable merchant of the place, also an acquaintance of my friend W----. He came before H----, and after professing himself very sorry that his avocations would not permit him to devote his forenoon to my service, he made me promise to dine with him.... My friend soon joined me, and observing from the appearance of my countenance that I was contemplating the scene with some disgust,' (the Glasgow Exchange) 'My good fellow,' said he, 'you are just like every other well-educated stranger that comes into this town; you can not endure the first sight of us mercantile whelps. Do not, however, be alarmed; I will not introduce you to any of these cattle at dinner. No, sir! You must know that there are a few men of refinement and polite information in this city. I have warned two or three of these _raræ aves_, and depend upon it, you shall have a very snug _day's work_.' So saying he took my arm, and observing that five was _just on the chap_, hurried me through several streets and lanes till we arrived in the ----, where his house is situated. His wife was, I perceived, quite the fine lady, and, withal, a little of the blue stocking. Hearing that I had just come from Edinburgh, she remarked that Glasgow would be seen to much more disadvantage after that elegant city. 'Indeed,' said she, 'a person of taste, must, of course, find many disagreeables connected with a residence in such a town as this; but Mr. P----'s business renders the thing necessary for the present, and one can not make a silk purse of a sow's ear--he, he, he!' Another lady of the company, carried this affectation still farther; she pretended to be quite ignorant of Glasgow and its inhabitants, although she had lived among them the greater part of her life, and, by the by, seemed no chicken. I was afterward told by my friend Mr. H----, that this damsel had in reality sojourned a winter or two in Edinburgh, in the capacity of _lick-spittle_ or _toad-eater_ to a lady of quality, to whom she had rendered herself amusing by a malicious tongue; and that during this short absence, she had embraced the opportunity of utterly forgetting everything about the West country. "'The dinner was excellent, although calculated apparently for forty people rather than sixteen, which last number sat down. While the ladies remained in the room, there was such a noise and racket of coarse mirth, ill restrained by a few airs of sickly sentiment on the part of the hostess, that I really could neither attend to the wine nor the dessert; but after a little time a very broad hint from a fat Falstaff, near the foot of the table, apparently quite a privileged character, thank Heaven! sent the ladies out of the room. The moment after which blessed consummation, the butler and footman entered, as if by instinct, the one with a huge punch bowl, _the other with, &c._'"