Zephaniah was angry, and Zephaniah was desirous of giving vent to his indignation; and being disappointed in his public expression he sought to give voice to his wrath by a private medium. He therefore sat down and wrote a long letter to his reverend cousin, the young rector of Smatterton. In this letter he did set forth how that he was now well assured that Lord Spoonbill had certainly made a dishonorable arrangement with Miss Primrose, and had entered into a negotiation with Mr Erpingham for the purchase of a villa in which the young lady was to reside. Herein also did Zephaniah state that he had not only the authority of a vague report from Mr Erpingham, but the evidence of his own eyes and ears, inasmuch as he had seen and heard Lord Spoonbill himself negotiating upon the subject. Then did Zephaniah proceed to express his great and utter abomination and detestation of such wicked practices; and he did also express his great sorrow that so sweet, lovely, interesting, and amiable a young lady as Miss Primrose should be a victim to the vile arts of so worthless a man as Lord Spoonbill. In conclusion, the writer exhorted his reverend cousin to use all the means in his power to prevent this great abomination. When the rector of Smatterton received this letter, he was at first delighted that it gave him some employment or semblance of employment; for the Reverend Charles Pringle, though prodigiously fond of doing nothing at all, yet liked to have some plausible excuse for doing nothing; so that the semblance of employment was agreeable to him. But when the young gentleman reflected more closely, it occurred to him that it might not be altogether favorable to his views of preferment to do or say anything in hostility and opposition to a right honorable patron. And though Mr Pringle was the rector of the parish, he possessed but little influence over the minds of his parishioners. Moreover, the reverend one was also fearful of offending Mr Primrose, if by any accident it should chance to be discovered that Zephaniah’s eyes and ears might have been deceived; for Zephaniah’s eyes and ears were not absolutely infallible, seeing that the said superlatively sagacious critic had once already circulated a story of this nature, and had found it expedient to retract his assertions. Perplexed with his commission, the reverend rector of Smatterton sought for aid in the wise counsels of Peter Kipperson. There is a great inconvenience in being wiser than all the rest of the world. This inconvenience Peter Kipperson experienced, and he used to talk very much of the trouble that he gave himself in the affairs of others. But then, poor man, what could he do? His mind was naturally benevolent and humane, and how could he be so unfeeling as to withhold from the world the benefit of that wisdom without which everything would be at sixes and sevens.