"Acrobatic Stuff with Light Effects, eh? Well, you're on a couple of
Mackerels. I never see any Benders that could get away with a Talking
Act. You want to give your Piece to somebody that can Boost you. You
write a good gingery Skit for me and Miss Fromage and we'll put your
Name on a Three-Sheet in Letters big enough to scare a Horse."
"I gather from the somewhat technical Character of your Conversation,
my dear sir, that you are associated with the Drama," said the Author.
"Is it a Kid?" asked the Artist. "Wuzn't you ever in Front? Don't you
look at the Pictures in the Windows? I'm Rank, of Rank and Fromage.
Miss Fromage is the other half this Season, and if you seen her a
Block off you'd say, 'Is it or ain't it Lillian Russell?' We've just
closed with McGoohan's Boisterous Burlesquers. We was so strong that
we killed the rest of the Bill, so we got the Blue Envelope. Now
they're using all our Business, including the Gag about the Custard
Pie."
"To what am I indebted for the Honor of this Visit?" asked the Author.
"I heard that you was a Litry Mug and I'm around here to see you about
a Sketch for me and Miss Fromage. The one I've got now is all right,
but in it I've got to eat 8 hard-boiled Eggs, and with 4 shows a Day
that's askin' too much of any Artist. This Sketch was wrote for us by
the Man that handles the Transfer Baggage at Bucyrus. He fixed it up
while we was waitin' for a Train. I've been using it since 1882 and
it goes just as strong as ever, but I like to get new Stuff once in
a while. So I want you to fake up something that'll kill 'em right
in their Seats. Here's the Scenario: My Wife's a Society Girl and I'm
supposed to be a Dead Swell that's come to take her to a Masquerade.
With that to work on, all you need to do is to fill in the Talk."
"I have recently prepared a One-Act Play, but I am not sure that it
will meet your Requirements," said the Author. "It is called 'The
Language of Flowers.' There are three Characters in the Play--a young
Shepherd named Ethelbert, the Lady Gwendolin and a Waiting Maid."
"We couldn't carry three People," said the Artist. "You'd better use
a Dummy instead of the Hired Girl. I do an awful funny Wrassle with a
Dummy. Go ahead and slip me the Plot."
"It is an idyllic Thing," said the Author. "Ethelbert is in love with
Gwendolin, but he is not certain that his Love is reciprocated. So
he sends her the Flowers. The waiting-maid brings them into the Bower
where Lady Gwendolin is seated and with them a Scroll of Verses from
Ethelbert. The Lady Gwendolin unrolls the Scroll and reads:
"'Traced in the Veins of the Petals
Are the Lines I fain would speak
And breathing low in the perfumed Leaves
Is the Name--'"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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