Soon after, the Lights went out and when he came back to Earth he was
lying the wrong way of his Bed with Blue Badges all over him, trying
to swallow a Bath Towel, which he afterward discovered was his Tongue.
By getting a Leverage under his Head he managed to pry it up and then
he sat on the edge of the Bed and called himself Names. He had nothing
left over except the Cards given to him by the Brothers from up State
somewhere. He had a dim and sneaking Recollection that he had given
his address and Phone Number to the whole Tribe and begged them to
look him up.
"Not any more in Mine," said he, as he held a Towel under the Faucet.
"Not for all of Morgan's would I look at any more of that Essence of
Trouble. I wonder if I'll live through the Morning."
That Day he lived on Bromo and Ice, and the only Satisfaction this
Life offered was the Fact that he was a Reformed Man.
On the Second Day he could look at Solid Food without having a Spasm.
His Hair stopped pulling and he began to speak to the People he met.
When asked to step out for a little while, he lost his Temper and
made a little Talk on the Subject, proving conclusively that there was
Nothing in it.
[Illustration: _Never Again!_]
As he walked homeward in the Dusk he passed the Clubs and Cafés where
those who Drank were rounding up and he felt sorry for them.
"Why can't they pass it up, the same as I do?" he asked himself. "Ah,
if only they knew how much more Fun it is to be Respectable."
It was an actual Mystery to him that any one could dally with a Dry
Martini while there was a Hydrant on every Corner.
On the third Day he was cracking his Whip and begging People to get
up on the Wagon with him. And he said it was a Queer Thing, but he
couldn't bear the Sight of it.
While on the fourth Evening he confessed to some nice People he met at
a Church Social that at one time he had allowed himself to be coaxed
into taking an occasional Nip but he reasoned it all out and decided
it was a Bad Thing and simply Chopped it right off. They told him it
was wonderful how much Will Power he had and asked him if he ever
felt the Old Craving coming back on him, and he said he could see it
splashing all around him and not have the faintest Desire to dip in.
He was so stuck on himself that he went around to call on all his
Friends who kept it on the Table so that he could wave it to one side
and tell how he despised it. He sat there and pitied those who were
inhaling it. Every Morning when he arose he would throw kisses to
himself in the Glass and exclaim: "Aha! The Head as clear as a Bell
this A.M. I'll bet I'm the cleanest and nicest Young Fellow in this
Town. Any Girl that picks out a Sober and Steady Man such as I am will
certainly be showing good Judgment."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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