Peradventure; or, The Silence of GodKeable, Robert
Religion
Peradventure; or, The Silence of God
Keable, Robert
Church of England -- Fiction; Religion -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
He looked up. In the clear morning light, the chapel was all so plain.
In front of him, as plain as plain, was a sponge on reed, a spear, a
ladder, a scourge. He noticed that they were a little dusty. The
glass reliquary reminded him of wax flowers under a glass case
belonging to his great-aunt Sophie; no, it did not remind him of the
flowers, it was just the case, with its plush fringe, that it brought
ridiculously to his mind. But inside the case was that small splinter
the priest had described, a fragment splintered from Calvary with its
sweat and turmoil and blood.
It had been, of course, like that figure on the rood. He had hung
dead. Dead. Drained of blood. Dead.
Dead? A little to the right the white tabernacle veil hung in the
folds to which Father Vassall had adjusted it this morning. And behind
lay the mystery. If only he KNEW.
And then, suddenly, he saw it all as clearly as the day through the
chapel window: his broken home, his mother's tears, Edith lost to him,
his ambition to write poetry blocked out, and instead, instead--that
silver Cup behind the white curtain thrust into his hand. A
half-remembered line shot into his head:
And down the shaft of light
Blood-red...
And suppose, after all, it were _not_ true....
If it were true, surely God would show him. If He were a Father,
surely, surely...
(6)
That, then, was the manner in which Paul Kestern grew afraid. The
utter silence of the chapel grew on him, bore down on him, wave on
wave. Was it not time for the trap? Oh, but they would call him.
Meantime, why wouldn't God speak? Just a word, a flicker of a
curtain.... It was all so still. Not even a wind. The silence
listened, that was the awful thing; it listened for him to pray. And
if he prayed--oh, if he prayed, he would break down like a baby, and
surrender, and he would never really have known.
Then Paul knew he could not pray.
But he shut his eyes; he groped into the blackness; he pressed against
the silence; he knew he was alone, all alone; he knew if he could have
fled, he would have done so, but that he could not move. He must fight
it out alone, endure alone; and though that awful silence terrorised
his very thought, he must still try to think....
"It's t-t-time to go," whispered a voice in his ear.
He got up, and stumbled out. "Thank you so much, Father," he said.
There was utter terror in his soul, but that was what he said. He saw
the other's face, tender and grave, and his quaint black gown, and the
bare hall, and the little flagged path, and the iron gate, and the
trap. Oh, he was glad to see the trap. He mustn't be afraid; it was
absurd; he could walk out. "Really I've loved being here," he heard
himself saying.
"C-come again s-s-some t-time," stammered Father Vassall.
"Thanks, I will, Father. Good-bye."
"G-g-good-bye."
He balanced himself as the horse started forward, and then turned and
waved. The little priest waved too. They swung round the turn.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account