Perkins of Portland: Perkins The GreatButler, Ellis Parker
General
Perkins of Portland: Perkins The Great
Butler, Ellis Parker
Advertising -- Fiction; Humorous stories
“That,” I said, humoring him, for I knew something great would be
evolved from his wonderful brain, “is a ball of red twine I bought at
the ten-cent store. I bought it last Saturday. It was sold to me by a
freckled young lady in a white shirt-waist. I paid--”
“Stop!” Perkins cried, “what is it?”
I looked at the ball of twine curiously. I tried to see something
remarkable in it. I couldn't. It remained a simple ball of red twine,
and I told Perkins so.
“The difference,” declared Perkins, “between mediocrity and genius!
Mediocrity always sees red twine; genius sees a ball of Crimson Cord!”
He leaned back in his chair, and looked at me triumphantly. He folded
his arms as if he had settled the matter. His attitude seemed to say
that he had made a fortune for us. Suddenly he reached forward, and,
grasping my scissors, began snipping off small lengths of the twine.
“The Crimson Cord!” he ejaculated. “What does it suggest?”
I told him that it suggested a parcel from the druggist's. I had often
seen just such twine about a druggist's parcel.
Perkins sniffed disdainfully.
“Druggists?” he exclaimed with disgust. “Mystery! Blood! 'The Crimson
Cord.' Daggers! Murder! Strangling! Clues! 'The Crimson Cord'--”
[Illustration: 122]
He motioned wildly with his hands, as if the possibilities of the phrase
were quite beyond his power of expression.
“It sounds like a book,” I suggested.
“Great!” cried Perkins. “A novel! The novel! Think of the words 'A
Crimson Cord' in blood-red letters six feet high on a white ground!” He
pulled his hat over his eyes, and spread out his hands; and I think he
shuddered.
“Think of 'A Crimson Cord,'” he muttered, “in blood-red letters on a
ground of dead, sepulchral black, with a crimson cord writhing through
them like a serpent.”
He sat up suddenly, and threw one hand in the air.
“Think,” he cried, “of the words in black on white, with a crimson cord
drawn taut across the whole ad.!”
He beamed upon me.
“The cover of the book,” he said quite calmly, “will be white,--virgin,
spotless white,--with black lettering, and the cord in crimson. With
each copy we will give a crimson silk cord for a book-mark. Each copy
will be done up in a white box and tied with crimson cord.”
He closed his eyes and tilted his head upward.
“A thick book,” he said, “with deckel edges and pictures by Christy.
No, pictures by Pyle. Deep, mysterious pictures! Shadows and gloom! And
wide, wide margins. And a gloomy foreword. One-fifty per copy, at all
booksellers.”
Perkins opened his eyes and set his hat straight with a quick motion of
his hand. He arose and polled on his gloves.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“Contracts!” he said. “Contracts for advertising! We most boom 'The
Crimson Cord!' We must boom her big!”
He went out and closed the door. Presently, when I supposed him well on
the way down-town, he opened the door and inserted his head.
“Gilt. tops,” he announced. “One million copies the first impression!”
And then he was gone.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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