How do you do, my young gentlemen? Take hold of my iron hand. Welcome to you all; I am not above shaking hands with the meanest of you, although I am a public character. Some people have dignified me with the name of Town Treasurer; and not an improper title either, as I am the guardian of the best treasure the Town has: whoever has a draught upon me will be sure to get it honoured, which cannot be said of every Treasurer. The Overseers of the Town ought to make me their Chairman, since I have the best interests of the Town’s people at heart. I am at the head of the Fire Department, and one of the Physicians of the Board of Health. I ought to be dubbed High Constable also, as I am the best Justice of the Peace; for whosoever taketh my cool advice will seldom fall into black eyes or bloody noses: and, in this my magisterial capacity, I think myself as useful as a dozen policemen at least. To speak within bounds, I am the chief person in the Municipality; a Mayor in my own right; and exhibit, moreover, an admirable pattern to my brother officers, by the cool, steady, downright-and-upright motion of my arm in the cause of sobriety and virtue, and by the copious and impartial discharge of my duty. Summer and winter few seek my aid in vain; for all day long I am sure to be found at my post, ready to welcome all comers with a pure and delightful glass, sparkling like the diamond, or the light of gladness in a good man’s eye. Let me be the Cup-bearer to the State; for I ought to be, by virtue of the iron goblet chained round my waist, and I can sing, with swanging jingle— “Let’s quaff the goblet full and bright, And see it in the soul’s best light!—” and be a water-Anacreon. I am the wisdom that crieth out in the streets, “Will no man regard me?” Yes; I am sure some will. Here is the _aqua vitæ_, the pure blood of the earth, the distilled juices of heaven. Walk up, gentlemen and children! walk up! Here is the true elixir of life, the _primum mobile_ of existence—the spring of springiness in the joints—the fountain of Diana herself—chaste, pure, and holy! Come and taste the unadulterated ale of Father Adam! Here you can have it pure, or mixed with sunshine, or bubbling with cheerful looks—all without stint—by the hogshead or single glass; and all for love, and nothing to pay! The only untaxed article in the kingdom; think of that! Walk up! walk up! friends and neighbours, and help yourselves.