I SUBMIT myself to thy judgment, my dear Chamisso; I do not seek to bias
it. I have long been a rigid censor of myself, and nourished at my heart
the worm of remorse. This critical moment of my life is ever present to
my soul, and I dare only cast a hesitating glance at it, with a deep
sense of humiliation and grief. Ah, my dear friend, he who once permits
himself thoughtlessly to deviate but one step from the right road, will
imperceptibly find himself involved in various intricate paths, all
leading him farther and farther astray. In vain he beholds the
guiding-stars of Heaven shining before him. No choice is left him—he
must descend the precipice, and offer himself up a sacrifice to his fate.
After the false step which I had rashly made, and which entailed a curse
upon me, I had, in the wantonness of passion, entangled one in my fate
who had staked all her happiness upon me. What was left for me to do in
a case where I had brought another into misery, but to make a desperate
leap in the dark to save her?—the last, the only means of rescue
presented itself. Think not so meanly of me, Chamisso, as to imagine
that I would have shrunk from any sacrifice on my part. In such a case
it would have been but a poor ransom. No, Chamisso; but my whole soul
was filled with unconquerable hatred to the cringing knave and his
crooked ways. I might be doing him injustice; but I shuddered at the
bare idea of entering into any fresh compact with him. But here a
circumstance took place which entirely changed the face of things . . .
I know not whether to ascribe it to excitement of mind, exhaustion of
physical strength (for during the last few days I had scarcely tasted
anything), or the antipathy I felt to the society of my fiendish
companion; but just as I was about to sign the fatal paper, I fell into a
deep swoon, and remained for a long time as if dead. The first sounds
which greeted my ear on recovering my consciousness were those of cursing
and imprecation; I opened my eyes—it was dusk; my hateful companion was
overwhelming me with reproaches. “Is not this behaving like an old
woman? Come, rise up, and finish quickly what you were going to do; or
perhaps you have changed your determination, and prefer to lie groaning
there?”
I raised myself with difficulty from the ground and gazed around me
without speaking a word. It was late in the evening, and I heard strains
of festive music proceeding from the ranger’s brilliantly illuminated
house; groups of company were lounging about the gardens; two persons
approached, and seating themselves on the bench I had lately occupied,
began to converse on the subject of the marriage which had taken place
that morning between the wealthy Mr. Rascal and Minima. All was then
over.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account