Yet methinks the conflict was no light one in his heart; and even to the last, he could scarce refrain from giving himself up to Jesus. And, as it seemed to me, for this cause Jesus called him to be one of the Twelve, perceiving how great gifts the Lord had bestowed upon him, and also hoping, by this means, perchance, to have cast out the jealousy and the pride from his heart, and in the end, to have drawn him wholly towards himself. For if Judas could have felt that he was altogether trusted, even as the chief of all the apostles, then belike he would have cast away the pride whereon he clothed himself, and would have opened his heart to our Master; and then verily he would have been a light in Israel, not less than the greatest of the apostles. But it was not so to be; for it was otherwise willed by the Inscrutable. So it came to pass that, from the time when he was rebuked by Jesus, as I have related above (though in truth the rebuke was not more for Judas than for the rest of the disciples), Judas withdrew himself more and more from Jesus and from the other disciples; neither would he speak freely nor ask questions as before, but he moved the other disciples to question Jesus in his stead. Yet notwithstanding when Jesus exhorted or rebuked us, Judas would ever take the rebuke unto himself above all, and say that Jesus pointed at him, though he did not mention him by name. Then would he fume and rage and depart in anger, and avoid the rest for many hours together. But when he came among the disciples, he would sow strife among us with speech of passion and jealousy; so that he was, as it were, a thorn in the side of the Master. All this Jesus perceived, and grieved thereat. Yet he said nothing. And, as it seemed to me, his grief for Judas was swallowed up in another and a larger grief; which I understood not then, but now I understand in part. For Jesus at this time began to see more and more clearly that all or almost all in Israel should reject him; and that his disciples should prove faithless, at least for a time; and that he should bring troubles and sorrows and wars upon the earth, as well as joy and peace; and that the day of Deliverance and Redemption was further off than had been supposed. Howbeit, for all this, he turned not to the right hand nor to the left from the going up to Jerusalem: for he knew that the Lord God had an errand for him there; and that his death was to be for the life of men: and that the Lord would in the end give him the victory over all his enemies.