Philochristus: Memoirs of a Disciple of the LordAbbott, Edwin Abbott
Religion
Philochristus: Memoirs of a Disciple of the Lord
Abbott, Edwin Abbott
Christian fiction; Jesus Christ -- Fiction
For, at the first, Judas was no traitor, nor like unto one that should be
a traitor; but of a sanguine complexion and disposition, cheerful even to
mirthfulness, and frank on a first acquaintance; not given to musing nor
premeditating; but active and strenuous, and withal a lover of Israel:
albeit perchance somewhat too ambitious and less ready in friendship than
in counsel. From a child his mind was ever given to great purposes; and
towards these ends he bent all his faculties: for he was of a deep
understanding, skilled in the ways of men, and of a discerning spirit,
quick to perceive what means were fit to accomplish his ends. But the
mischief was that the power to understand was quicker in him than the
power to love; for his understanding moved as a flame of fire, but his
heart was very cold.
When he first became acquainted with our Master, he straightway clave unto
him as unto a great leader of the people, who was like to redeem Sion.
Howbeit his heart went not out to Jesus as the heart of John the son of
Zebedee, and as the heart of Simon the son of Jonah. For I remember once,
when I questioned Simon Peter for what cause he first joined himself to
Jesus, Peter said, “Because he had been drawn unto Jesus he knew not how,
and by the hand of the Lord”; but Judas said, “Nay, but thou speakest as a
sheep or a goat, in whom there is feeling but no understanding: but I
applied myself to him with deliberation, as deeming him to be the fittest
instrument to do good unto Sion.”
Now perchance because Judas gave not so much of his heart unto our Master,
for this cause he received not so much back again; wherefore he grew not
in spirit like the rest, but went backward rather than forward. And when
he found that Jesus of Nazareth was not to be used as an instrument, no
not even to do good to Sion; then he began to repent that he had joined
himself unto him. Afterwards, when Jesus first took upon him to forgive
sins, this was, as it were, the turning‐point in the course of Judas. For
he was sore disturbed at that time, insomuch that he carried his
searchings of heart written even upon his countenance. For he was much
moved to have poured himself out before Jesus of Nazareth, beseeching him
to take away the coldness of heart, and to give him a heart of flesh.
Howbeit Satan hindered it, taking advantage of his pride; for the man was
always very proud, and had hitherto been foremost among the apostles; nor
could he brook now to step down from his high place and to make himself
even as one of the sinners. Wherefore he opened himself not to Jesus, but
hardened himself against the voice of the Lord within him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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