Lantry did not move. He could not. All of this was of such a
fascination that he wanted only to see, to hear what would happen next.
It was McClure's show from here on in.
McClure said, "At first I thought it was the finest psychosis I have
ever seen. You, I mean. I thought, he's convinced himself, Lantry's
convinced himself, he's quite insane, he's told himself to do all these
little things." McClure talked as if in a dream, and continued talking
and didn't stop.
"I said to myself, he purposely doesn't breathe through his nose. I
watched your nostrils, Lantry. The little nostril hairs never once
quivered in the last hour. That wasn't enough. It was a fact I filed.
It wasn't enough. He breathes through his mouth, I said, on purpose.
And then I gave you a cigarette and you sucked and blew, sucked and
blew. None of it ever came out your nose. I told myself, well, that's
all right. He doesn't inhale. Is that terrible, is that suspect? All
in the mouth, all in the mouth. And then, I looked at your chest. I
watched. It never moved up or down, it did nothing. He's convinced
himself, I said to myself. He's convinced himself about all this.
He doesn't move his chest, except slowly, when he thinks you're not
looking. That's what I told myself."
The words went on in the silent room, not pausing, still in a dream.
"And then I offered you a drink but you don't drink and I thought, he
doesn't drink, I thought. Is _that_ terrible? And I watched and watched
you all this time. Lantry holds his breath, he's fooling himself. But
now, yes, now, I understand it quite well. Now I know everything the
way it is. Do you know how I know? I do not hear breathing in the room.
I wait and I hear nothing. There is no beat of heart or intake of lung.
The room is so silent. Nonsense, one might say, but I know. At the
Incinerator I know. There is a difference. You enter a room where a
man is on a bed and you know immediately whether he will look up and
speak to you or whether he will not speak to you ever again. Laugh if
you will, but one can tell. It is a subliminal thing. It is the whistle
the dog hears when no human hears. It is the tick of a clock that has
ticked so long one no longer notices. Something is in a room when a man
lives in it. Something is not in the room when a man is dead in it."
* * * * *
McClure shut his eyes a moment. He put down his sherry glass. He waited
a moment. He took up his cigarette and puffed it and then put it down
in a black tray.
"I am alone in this room," he said.
Lantry did not move.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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