Plain Mary Smith: A Romance of Red SaundersPhillips, Henry Wallace
General
Plain Mary Smith: A Romance of Red Saunders
Phillips, Henry Wallace
Fiction; Humorous stories
He looked at me with his head sideways, pulling his chin whisker.
"Billy," says he, "I hev experienced them sentiments myself. It shell be
as you say." He went to his wagon, and drew out a muzzle-loading pistol
from under the seat. The pistol was loaded with buckshot, and four
fingers of powder to push it, as every one around knew. He walked up to
Mick and put the touch of a cold, gray, Yankee eye on him. "Young man,"
he says, "I ain't for your clawin', chawin', kickin' style of conductin'
a row, so I tell you this: you fight that boy fair, or I'll mix buckshot
with your whisky.--Turn your bullock loose!"
[Illustration: "'You fight that boy fair'"]
The men let go of him, and he come.
Fortunately, I remember every detail of that scrap, clear as crystal. I
led with my left, and Mick countered with his chin. A thunderstorm hit
me in the left ear. Kerbang, kerswot. Scurry-scurry, biff-biff-biff.
Somebody hit somewhere. Somebody with a pain in the neck. No time to
find out who it is. Zip, smash, rip; more pains; streaks of fire on the
horizon; must have run aground. Roar-roar-bump,--ah, bully for you,
Billy! Slam him, Mick! Hit him again, sonny! You got him! Now you got
him! Aaaay-hooray!
Here we go, bumping over the ties. Right over the edge of the
trestle,--bing! C'm' off'n him, you big black whelp, aggh! le' go! Twist
his thumb! Kick the brute! Get up, boy! Roooor swishz.--Where in thunder
did the big black thing come from? Never mind. No time to stop. Lovely
Peter! How she rolls! Who's sick?--Mick, probably. Lightning struck,
that time.... Again ... Mmmmmmearrrrr ... dark ... dark. Raining
ice-water! He's all right! Give him a little air! Somebody crying, "I
did the best I could by him, Eli; g-gu-gug-gol-darn him!" More light.
Daybreak, and here I am again, on the ground, wet to the hide, the
bucket they emptied on me alongside, and Eli holding my head up. And
what's the thing opposite, with one eye swelled shut, and a mouth the
size of a breakfast-roll?--Why, it's Mick!
"Did he lick me, Eli?" says I.
Eli laughed kind of nervous. "Neither you, nor him, nor me, will ever
know," says he. "He's willing to call it a draw."
I staggered to my feet and wabbled to my partner in the dance, holding
out my hand. "Much obliged to you, Mick," says I.
He leaned back and laughed, till I joined, as well as I could, for
crying. He grabbed my hand and shook it. "Yer all right," says he.
"Sorry I am I said a word to ye. An' yer th' h--- of a red-headed bye to
fight. I've enough."
Whilst I was a simple lad, I wasn't a fool. For me to hold that
two-hundred-and-twenty-five-pound rough-and-tumble fighter even, was
impossible. He was ashamed of the whole thing. As soon as his ugly
temper had the edge knocked off it, he took that way of closing the
deal. No bad man at all, old Mick.
"You say that to save my feelings," I said.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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