‘Yes,’ I said, ‘for I met a man in Kansas who had never been out of Kansas and who refused to believe that I was a human being at all. For he said that Science had shown that alcohol was a poison, and as the Europeans were known from history books to have made a habit of consuming large quantities of this poison, it followed that they were all dead. And he declared that the present peoples in Europe were nothing but a race of apes pretending to be the same creatures that Science showed alcohol to have destroyed. He said the apes were doing it to win the affection that the Americans would show to other human beings, however, degraded, but not to apes.’ ‘Truly a striking view,’ exclaimed Lysis. ‘It was one that explained everything to my friend,’ I answered. ‘He declared the pretence could not last, and that the apes had accordingly begun to spread a story round that all men, even the Americans, were kinsfolk to the apes. But with this, he said, he and all good hundred per cent Americans would have nothing whatever to do, and he added they were prepared if necessary to disprove it by an amendment to the Constitution. He claimed, moreover, that this view of his gave by far the best explanation of the chattering and quarrelling that was forever going on over in Europe. And he added that my appearance corroborated his theory.’ ‘Well, Socrates,’ said Agathon, ‘you must allow us to excuse him there.’ ‘So did I excuse him,’ I answered, ‘for I knew that that man was intoxicated, not indeed by wine, but by statistics, for the Americans find in statistics a drug more powerful than alcohol, the women shamelessly revealing their craving and attending lectures, and crying out for facts, but meaning these numbers. For all large numbers and all numbers arranged in patterns have a magical power over them. And they will eagerly deny their own personal experience if it seems to upset what the statistics say.’ ‘Truly a pitiable servitude,’ murmured Lysis. ‘Pitiable indeed,’ I agreed, ‘but they wear these chains of numbers proudly, for in general the numbers are large. And they have no notion that these numbers must be used with care, but will let themselves be led into any error by any cunning piper luring them to destruction, provided only that he can pipe the proper magic ciphers and talk to them of percentages. For these statisticians have more power to make great crowds follow them than ever Orpheus had. But I expect that in the end they will most of them meet with the fate of Orpheus and be torn to pieces by angry women, filled with a different kind of madness.’ ‘Well,’ said Agathon, ‘there is one thing very hopeful for them and of excellent augury.’ ‘Which?’ I asked. ‘Why,’ he said, ‘when they consider the number of their crimes and how much blood is shed and treasure seized each year, do you not think they will be greatly impressed and will realize that their chief trouble is that the laws are not kept and that obedience is not enforced?’