_Flip._ O' the right side always, my lady's. And if you'll have me give you my opinion of these matters, Sir, I do not think a husband can ever be in the right. _Mon._ Ha! _Flip._ Little, peeking, creeping, sneaking, stingy, covetous, cowardly, dirty, cuckoldy things. _Mon._ Ha! _Flip._ Fit for nothing but taylors and dry-nurses. _Mon._ Ha! _Flip._ A dog in a manger, snarling and biting, to starve gentlemen with good stomachs. _Mon._ Ha! _Flip._ A centry upon pleasure, set to be a plague on lovers, and damn poor women before their time. _Mon._ A husband is indeed---- _Flip._ Sir, I say he is nothing----A beetle without wings, a windmill without sails, a ship in a calm. _Mon._ Ha! _Flip._ A bag without money----an empty bottle----dead small beer. _Mon._ Ha! _Flip._ A quack without drugs. _Mon._ Ha! _Flip._ A lawyer without knavery. _Mon._ Ha! _Flip._ A courtier without flattery. _Mon._ Ha! _Flip._ A king without an army----or a people with one. Have I drawn him, Sir? _Mon._ Why truly, _Flippanta_, I can't deny but there are some general lines of resemblance. But you know there may be exceptions. _Flip._ Hark you, Sir, shall I deal plainly with you? Had I got a husband, I wou'd put him in mind, that he was marry'd as well as I. Sings. _For were I the thing call'd a wife, And my fool grew too fond of his pow'r, He shou'd look like an ass all his life, For a prank that I'd play him in an hour._ Tol lol la ra tol lol, _&c._--Do you observe that, Sir? _Mon._ I do: and think you wou'd be in the right on't. But, pr'ythee, why dost not give this advice to thy mistress? _Flip._ For fear it should go round to your wife, Sir, for you know they are play-fellows. _Mon._ O, there's no danger of my wife; she knows I'm none of those husbands. _Flip._ Are you sure she knows that, Sir? _Mon._ I'm sure she ought to know it, _Flippanta_, for really I have but four faults in the world. _Flip._ And, pray what may they be? _Mon._ Why I'm a little slovenly, I shift but once a week. _Flip._ Fough! _Mon._ I am sometimes out of humour. _Flip._ Provoking! _Mon._ I don't give her so much money as she'd have. _Flip._ Insolent! _Mon._ And a----perhaps I mayn't be quite so young as I was. _Flip._ The devil! _Mon._ O, but then consider how 'tis on her side, _Flippanta_. She ruins me with washing, is always out of humour, ever wanting money, and will never be older. _Flip._ That last article, I must confess, is a little hard upon you. _Mon._ Ah, _Flippanta_, didst thou but know the daily provocations I have, thoud'st be the first to excuse my faults. But now I think on't----Thou art none of my friend, thou dost not love me at all; no, not at all. _Flip._ And whither is this little reproach going to lead us now? _Mon._ You have power over your fair mistress, _Flippanta_. _Flip._ Sir! _Mon._ But what then? You hate me. _Flip._ I understand you not.