"What do you desire of me?" I repeated, taking another look at him. He was exceedingly ordinary. "Prof, old sport," he said cordially, "I took a slant at the papers yesterday, an' I seen all about the big time these guys had when you rode the goat--" "Rode--_what_?" "When you was elected. Get me?" I stared at him. He grinned in a friendly way. "The privacy of those solemn proceedings should remain sacred. It were unfit to discuss such matters with the world at large," I said coldly. "I get you," he rejoined cheerfully. "What do you desire of me?" I repeated. "Why this unseemly apropos?" "I was comin' to it. Perfessor, I'll be frank. I need money--" "You need brains!" "No," he said good-humouredly, "I've got 'em; plenty of 'em; I'm overstocked with idees. What I want to do is to sell _you_ a few--" "Do you know you are impudent!" "Listen, friend. I seen a piece in the papers as how you was to make the speech of your life when you ride the goat for these here guys on April first--" "I decline to listen--" "_One_ minute, friend! I want to ask you one thing! _What_ are you going to talk about?" I was already moving away but I stopped and stared at him. "That's the question," he nodded with unimpaired cheerfulness, "_what_ are you going to talk about on April _the_ first? Remember it's the hot-air party of your life. _Ree_-member that each an' every paper in the United States will print what you say. Now, how about it, friend? Are you up in your lines?" Swallowing my repulsion for him I said: "Why are you concerned as to what may be the subject of my approaching address?" "There you are, Prof!" he exclaimed delightedly; "I want to do business with you. That's me! I'm frank about it. Say, there ought to be a wad of the joyful in it for us both--" "What?" "Sure. We can work it any old way. Take Tyng, Tyng and Company, the typewriter people. I'd be ashamed to tell you what I can get out o' them if you'll mention the Tyng-Tyng typewriter in your speech--" "What you suggest is infamous!" I said haughtily. "Believe _me_ there's enough in it to make it a financial coup, and I ask you, Prof, isn't a financial coup respectable?" "You seem to be morally unfitted to comprehend--" "Pardon _me_! I'm fitted up regardless with all kinds of fixtures. I'm fixed to undertake anything. Now if you'd prefer the Bunsen Baby Biscuit bunch--why old man Bunsen would come across--" "I won't do such things!" I said angrily. "Very well, very well. Don't get riled, sir. That's only one way to build on Fifth Avenoo. I've got one hundred thousand other ways--" "I don't want to talk to you--" "They're honest--some of them. Say, if you want a stric'ly honest deal I've got the goods. Only it ain't as easy and the money ain't as big--" "I don't want to talk to you--"