Friendship -- Fiction; Poor -- Fiction; Russia -- Social life and customs -- 1533-1917 -- Fiction
made a mistake in a document.” That was all, but it was enough, was
it not? I felt dead and cold as ice--I felt absolutely deprived of the
power of sensation; but, I rose from my seat and went whither I had
been bidden. Through one room, through two rooms, through three rooms I
passed, until I was conducted into his Excellency’s cabinet itself. Of
my thoughts at that moment I can give no exact account. I merely saw his
Excellency standing before me, with a knot of people around him. I have
an idea that I did not salute him--that I forgot to do so. Indeed,
so panic-stricken was I, that my teeth were chattering and my knees
knocking together. In the first place, I was greatly ashamed of my
appearance (a glance into a mirror on the right had frightened me with
the reflection of myself that it presented), and, in the second place, I
had always been accustomed to comport myself as though no such person
as I existed. Probably his Excellency had never before known that I was
even alive. Of course, he might have heard, in passing, that there was
a man named Dievushkin in his department; but never for a moment had he
had any intercourse with me.
He began angrily: “What is this you have done, sir? Why are you not
more careful? The document was wanted in a hurry, and you have gone
and spoiled it. What do you think of it?”--the last being addressed
to Evstafi Ivanovitch. More I did not hear, except for some flying
exclamations of “What negligence and carelessness! How awkward this is!”
and so on. I opened my mouth to say something or other; I tried to
beg pardon, but could not. To attempt to leave the room, I had not
the hardihood. Then there happened something the recollection of which
causes the pen to tremble in my hand with shame. A button of mine--the
devil take it!--a button of mine that was hanging by a single thread
suddenly broke off, and hopped and skipped and rattled and rolled until
it had reached the feet of his Excellency himself--this amid a profound
general silence! THAT was what came of my intended self-justification
and plea for mercy! THAT was the only answer that I had to return to my
chief! The sequel I shudder to relate. At once his Excellency’s
attention became drawn to my figure and costume. I remembered what I had
seen in the mirror, and hastened to pursue the button. Obstinacy of a
sort seized upon me, and I did my best to arrest the thing, but it
slipped away, and kept turning over and over, so that I could not grasp
it, and made a sad spectacle of myself with my awkwardness. Then there
came over me a feeling that my last remaining strength was about to
leave me, and that all, all was lost--reputation, manhood, everything!
In both ears I seemed to hear the voices of Theresa and Phaldoni. At
length, however, I grasped the button, and, raising and straightening
myself, stood humbly with clasped hands--looking a veritable fool! But
no. First of all I tried to attach the button to the ragged threads, and
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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