Americans -- England -- Fiction; Authors -- Fiction; Families -- Fiction; Love stories
"Come, come, Frida," said her father. "You won't disturb us by saying
aloud what you want to say." He had leaned over majestically to
emphasize his rebuke and in doing so brushed with his sleeve Grandmama's
wrist.
"Goodness, it's a cat," the old lady cried, with a shudder. "I shall
have to go away from here, Johnnie, if you have a cat in the house. I'd
rather have mice all over me than one of those horrid cats. Ugh! the
nasty thing!"
She was not at all convinced of her mistake even when persuaded to
stroke her son-in-law's coat.
"I hope it's been properly shooed out. Harold, please look well under
all the chairs, there's a good boy."
During the next few days John felt that he was being in some indefinable
way ousted by Laurence from the spiritual mastery of his own house. John
was averse from according to his brother-in-law a greater forcefulness
of character than he could ascribe to himself; if he had to admit that
he really was being supplanted somehow, he preferred to search for the
explanation in the years of theocratic prestige that gave a background
to the all-pervasiveness of that sacerdotal personality. Yet ultimately
the impression of his own relegation to a secondary place remained
elusive and incommunicable. He could not for instance grumble that the
times of the meals were being altered nor complain that in the smallest
detail the domestic mechanism was being geared up or down to suit
Laurence; the whole sensation was essentially of a spiritual eviction,
and the nearest he could get to formulating his resentment (though
perhaps resentment was too definite a word for this vague uneasiness)
was his own gradually growing opinion that of all those at present under
the Ambles roof Laurence was the most important. This loss of importance
was bad for John's work, upon which it soon began to exert a
discouraging influence, because he became doubtful of his own position,
hypercritical of his talent, and timid about his social ability. He
began to meditate the long line of failures to dramatize the immortal
tale of Joan of Arc immortally, to see himself dangling at the end of
this long line of ineptitudes and to ask himself whether bearing in mind
the vastness of even our own solar system it was really worth while
writing at all. It could not be due to anything or anybody but Laurence,
this sense of his own futility; not even when a few years ago he had
reached the conclusion that as a realistic novelist he was a failure had
he been so profoundly conscious of his own insignificance in time and
space.
"I shall have to go away if I'm ever to get on with this play," he told
himself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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