Then a new and puzzling situation arose. When he stepped over the
threshold and into the house he knew Clara was there.
On that day she had not driven him to work in the morning or gone for
him at noon hour because she did not want to look at him in the light of
day, did not want again to see the puzzled, frightened look in his eyes.
She had wanted him in the darkness alone, had waited for darkness. Now
it was dark in the house and she waited for him.
How simple it was! Hugh came into the living-room, stumbled forward into
the darkness, and found the hat-rack against the wall near the stairway
leading to the bedrooms above. Again he had surrendered what he would no
doubt have called the manhood in himself, and hoped only to be able to
escape the presence he felt in the room, to creep off upstairs to his
bed, to lie awake listening to noises, waiting miserably for another day
to come. But when he had put his dripping hat on one of the pegs of the
rack and had found the lower step with his foot thrust into darkness, a
voice called to him.
“Come here, Hugh,” Clara said softly and firmly, and like a boy caught
doing a forbidden act he went toward her. “We have been very silly,
Hugh,” he heard her voice saying softly.
* * * * *
Hugh went to where Clara sat in a chair by a window. From him there was
no protest and no attempt to escape the love-making that followed. For
a moment he stood in silence and could see her white figure below him in
the chair. It was like something still far away, but coming swiftly as a
bird flies to him--upward to him. Her hand crept up and lay in his hand.
It seemed unbelievably large. It was not soft, but hard and firm. When
her hand had rested in his for a moment she arose and stood beside him.
Then the hand went out of his and touched, caressed his wet coat, his
wet hair, his cheeks. “My flesh must be white and cold,” he thought, and
then he did not think any more.
Gladness took hold of him, a gladness that came up out of the inner
parts of himself as she had come up to him out of the chair. For days,
weeks, he had been thinking of his problem as a man's problem, his
defeat had been a man's defeat.
Now there was no defeat, no problem, no victory. In himself he did not
exist. Within himself something new had been born or another something
that had always lived with him had stirred to life. It was not awkward.
It was not afraid. It was a thing as swift and sure as the flight of
the male bird through the branches of trees and it was in pursuit of
something light and swift in her, something that would fly through light
and darkness but fly not too swiftly, something of which he need not
be afraid, something that without the need of understanding he could
understand as one understands the need of breath in a close place.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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