Anger took the place of perplexity in him. The women he saw in the
streets and in the doors of the houses were such women as his own woman
Clara. They had married men--“no better than myself,” he told himself,
growing bold.
They had married men and something had happened to them. Something was
settled. They could live in streets and in houses. Their marriages had
been real marriages and he had a right to a real marriage. It was not
too much to expect out of life.
“Clara has a right to that also,” he thought and his mind began to
idealize the marriages of men and women. “On every hand here I see them,
the neat, well-dressed, handsome women like Clara. How happy they are!
“Their feathers have been ruffled though,” he thought angrily. “It was
with them as with that bird I saw being pursued through the trees. There
has been pursuit and a pretense of trying to escape. There has been
an effort made that was not an effort, but feathers have been ruffled
here.”
When his thoughts had driven him into a half desperate mood Hugh went
out of the streets of bright, ugly, freshly built, freshly painted and
furnished houses, and down into the town. Several men homeward bound at
the end of their day of work called to him. “I hope you are thinking of
buying or building up our way,” they said heartily.
* * * * *
It began to rain and darkness came, but Hugh did not go home to Clara.
It did not seem to him that he could spend another night in the
house with her, lying awake, hearing the little noises of the night,
waiting--for courage. He could not sit under the lamp through another
evening pretending to read. He could not go with Clara up the stairs
only to leave her with a cold “good-night” at the top of the stairs.
Hugh went up the Medina Road almost to the house and then retraced his
steps and got into a field. There was a low swampy place in which the
water came up over his shoetops, and after he had crossed that there was
a field overgrown with a tangle of vines. The night became so dark that
he could see nothing and darkness reigned over his spirit. For hours he
walked blindly, but it did not occur to him that as he waited, hating
the waiting, Clara also waited; that for her also it was a time of trial
and uncertainty. To him it seemed her course was simple and easy. She
was a white pure thing--waiting--for what? for courage to come in to him
in order that an assault be made upon her whiteness and purity.
That was the only answer to the question Hugh could find within himself.
The destruction of what was white and pure was a necessary thing in
life. It was a thing men must do in order that life go on. As for women,
they must be white and pure--and wait.
* * * * *
Filled with inward resentment Hugh at last did go to the farmhouse. Wet
and with dragging, heavy feet he turned out of the Medina Road to find
the house dark and apparently deserted.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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