How I hated my husband that night! He had taught me to drink. He had made me sensual. He had not yet assumed the coarse, red-faced brutish aspect that he wore later, but he had a coarse, red-faced brutish soul. Alas! his body was still fine enough to tempt me. And his mind was devilishly clever enough to captivate my fancy. He took away my faith, _even my faith in motherhood_. That was why I chiefly hated him. For three years my husband disgusted me with his unfaithfulness. No woman was too high or too low, too refined or too ignorant, for his passing fancy, if only she had physical attractiveness--just a little physical attractiveness. Anything for variety, shop girl or duchess, kitchen maid or society leader, they were all the same to Julian. He confessed to me that he once made love to a little auburn-haired _divorcee_ while they were in a mourning carriage going to her sister's funeral. _Et elle s'est laissee faire!_ He was like a hunter following his prey, like an angler fishing, he cared only for the chase, for the capture. That was the man I had married! What a liar he was! He poisoned my mind with his lies, assuring me that all men were like himself, hypocrites, incapable of being true to one woman. And I believed him. The ghastly part of it is I still believe him. I can't help it. I have suffered too much. I can never have faith in another man, not even in Captain Herrick. That is why I shall never marry again--that is one reason. * * * * * _Sunday._ A wonderful day! I strolled along the board walk in my new furs, and met a young mother pushing a baby carriage with two splendid baby boys--one of them sucking at his bottle. Such babies! She let me hold the little fellow and I cuddled him close in my arms and felt his soft cheeks and his warm little chubby hands on my face. How I long for a baby of my own! I have thought--hoped--dreamed-- I went to the movies this evening with some friends and laughed so hard that I thought I would break something in my internal machinery. When I returned to the hotel I found a letter from Captain Herrick--so manly and affectionate. He loves me! And I love him, more than anything in the world. I feel so well today, so glad to be alive that if Chris were here, I think I would promise him whatever he asked. I long to give myself entirely--_my beauty, my passion, everything_--to this man that I love. And yet--alas! Am I bold and vain to call myself beautiful? * * * * *