He started out all right, and just as he was walking up San Jacinto Street he staggered over to one side of the street. A policeman standing on the comer heard a loud yell of despair, and turning, saw a man throw up his arms and then disappear from sight. Before the policeman could call someone who could swim the man had gone for the third and last time. Mr. Jeremiah Q. Dilworthy had fallen into the sidewalk. Hush Money He was a great practical joker, and never lost a chance to get a good one on somebody. A few days ago he stopped a friend on Main Street and said, confidentially: "I never would have believed it, but I believe it my duty to make it known. Mr. ----, the alderman for our ward, has been taking hush money." "Impossible!" said his friend. "I tell you, it's true, for I overheard the conversation and actually saw it handed over to him, and he took the money and put it in his pocket." Then he went on without explaining any further, and the thing got talked around considerably for a day or two. He forgot all about it until one day he met the alderman and suffered from the encounter to the extent of two black eyes and a coat split up the back. And then he had to go all round and explain that what he meant was that he had seen the alderman's wife give him a dime to buy some paregoric for the baby. Relieved A Houston gentleman who is worth somewhere up in the hundreds of thousands and lives on eleven dollars a week, was sitting in his private office a few days ago, when a desperate looking man entered and closed the door carefully behind him. The man had an evil, villainous-looking face, and in his hand he held with the utmost care an oblong, square-shaped package. "What do you want?" asked the capitalist. "I must have money," hissed the stranger. "I am starving while you are rolling in wealth. Do you see this little package? Do you know what it contains?" The wealthy citizen sprang from his desk in horror, pale with fright. "No, no," he gasped. "You would not be so cruel, so heartless." "This package," continued the desperate man, "contains enough dynamite, if let fall upon the floor, to hurl this building into a shapeless mass of ruins." "Is that all?" said the capitalist, sinking into his chair and picking up his newspaper with a sigh of relief. "You don't know how much you frightened me. I thought it was a gold brick." No Time to Lose A young Houston mother rushed into die house the other day in the utmost excitement, calling out to her mother to put an iron on the fire as quick as possible. "What is the matter?" asked the old lady. "A dog has just bitten Tommy, and I am afraid it was mad. Oh, hurry up, mother; be as quick as you can!" "Are you going to try to cauterize the wound?" "No--I've got to iron that blue skirt before I can wear it to go after the doctor. Do be in a hurry." A Villainous Trick