American fiction -- 19th century; American poetry -- 19th century; American wit and humor; Short stories, American
Presently a little, wizened, consumptive-looking drummer for a
Connecticut shoe factory squeezed his way through the crowd on the
opposite side of the street to have a peep at the desperado. He
weighed about ninety pounds and wore double glass spectacles. Just
then the desperado gave another whoop and yelled:
"Gol darn ye, why don't some of ye come and take me? I'll eat any five
of ye without chawin', and I ain't hungry either--whoopee!"
The crowd fell back a few yards further and the police turned pale
again, but the skinny little man adjusted his spectacles with both
hands, and stepped on to the edge of the sidewalk and took a good look
at the bad men. Then he deliberately struck across the street at a
funny hopping kind of a run right up to where the terror stood.
The crowd yelled at him to come back, and the desperado flourished his
six-shooter again, but the little man went straight up to him and said
something. The crowd shuddered and expected to see him fall with a
forty-five bullet in him, but he didn't. They saw the desperado lower
his pistol and run his hand in his pocket and hand something to the
little man.
Then the desperado walked sheepishly down the sidewalk, and the little
man came back across the street.
"Bad man?" he said. "I guess not. He wouldn't hurt a fly. That's Zeke
Skinner. He was raised on the farm next to me in Connecticut. He's
selling some kind of fake liver medicine, and that's his street rig
he's got on now. I loaned him eight dollars in Hartford nine years
ago, and never expected to see him again. Thought I knew his voice.
Pay? I reckon he paid me. I calculate I always collect what's owing to
me."
Then the crowd scattered and the twelve policeman headed Zeke off at
the next corner and clubbed him all the way to the station house.
A Slight Mistake
An ordinary-looking man wearing a last season's negligee shirt stepped
into the business office and unrolled a strip of manuscript some three
feet long.
"I wanted to see you about this little thing I want to publish in the
paper. There are fifteen verses besides the other reading matter. The
verses are on spring. My handwriting is a trifle illegible and I may
have to read it over to you. This is the way it runs:"
Spring
The air is full of gentle zephyrs,
Grass is growing green;
Winter now has surely left us.
Spring has come, I ween.
When the sun has set, the vapors
Rise from out the meadows low;
When the stars are lit like tapers
Then the night winds chilly blow.
"Take that stuff up to the editorial department," said the business
manager shortly.
"I have been up there already," said the ordinary-looking man, "and
they sent me down here. This will fill about a column. I want to talk
with you about the price. The last verse runs this way:"
Then it is that weakening languors
Thicken in our veins the blood
And we must ward off these dangers
Ere we find our names are "Mud."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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