Short stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
And still, as the day approached which he had set for the desperate
venture, he began to get very nervous. He thought he had a sure thing if
ever a fellow had, but women were so cursedly unaccountable. Supposing
she should take it into her head to accept him! No logic could take
account of a woman's whimsies. Then what a pretty fix he would have got
himself into, just by a foolhardy freak! But there was a strain of Norse
blood in Hunt, and in spite of occasional touches of ague, the risk of
the scheme had in itself a certain fascination for him. And yet he
could n't help wishing he had carried out a dozen desperate devices for
disgusting her with him, which at the time had seemed to him too gross
to be safe from suspicion.
The trouble was that since he loved her no more he had lost the insight
which love only gives into the feelings of another. Then her every touch
and look and word was eloquent to his senses as to the precise state
of her feeling toward him, but now he was dull and insensitive to such
direct intuition. He could not longer feel, but could only argue as to
how she might be minded toward him, and this it was which caused him so
much trepidation, in spite of so many reasons why he should be confident
of the result. Argument as to another's feelings is such a wretched
substitute for the intuition of sympathy.
Finally, on the evening before the day on which he was to offer himself,
the last of his stay at the Giffords', he got into such a panic that,
determined to clinch the assurance of his safety, he asked her to play
a game of cards, and then managed that she should see him cheat two or
three times. The recollection of the cold disgust on her face as he bade
her good-evening was so reassuring that he went to bed and slept like a
child, in the implicit confidence that four horses could n't drag that
girl into an engagement with him the next day.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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