How much a man is like old shoes! For instance, both a soul may lose; Both have been tanned; both are made tight By cobblers; both get left and right; Both need a mate to be complete, And both are made to go on feet. They both need heeling, oft are sold, And both in time all turn to mold. With shoes the last is first; with men The first shall be last; and when The shoes wear out they’re mended new: When men wear out they’re men-dead, too. They both are trod upon, and both Will tread on others, nothing loath. Both have their ties, and both incline When polished in the world to shine: And both peg out—and would you choose To be a man or be his shoes? AN OBSTINATE WIFE. The other night a policeman who was patrolling High street east, heard a whistle blown, followed by shouts for “police!” and after a run of half a block he came to a halt in front of a house where a second-story window was raised and a man had half his length over the sill. “What’s the row?” demanded the officer. “Some purglars vhas in mein house!” was the answer. “How do you know?” “I hears ’em make a noise more ash six times!” “Where are they?” “Down in der kitchen!” “Have you been down to look around?” “No! no! I tells my vhife to go, but she won’t stir! She shumps into bedt und covers oop her headt, und I vhas left to do all der fighting und be kilt! Dot’s der kind of a vhife she vhas!” The officer investigated, to find that cats were responsible for the noises, and as he retired the householder was calling to his wife: “Mary, if you go down I shtand on der stairs mit a light und a shot-gun und shoot eafery burglar like tunder.” WANTED WEATHER-STRIPS. “Didn’t I leave an order here three days ago for weather-strips?” demanded an indignant citizen of the proprietor of a Woodward avenue store yesterday. “Yes, sir, you did.” “And didn’t you say you would send a man to put them on?” “I did.” “And he was sick, I suppose?” “No, sir; he went up there two days ago.” “And put on the strips?” “Yes, sir.” “Where?” “On the front and side doors, of course.” “On the doors—of course—who in Halifax ordered them on the doors of the house? I wanted them strips for the barn doors!” “You did?” “Certainly I did. Do you suppose I want draughts of air sweeping in on my poor horses this kind o’ weather?” IT’S A TELEPHONE. A well-to-do but unsophisticated back-woodsman was in the city lately, attending the Fat Stock Show, and brought along his wife and daughters to see the sights and do some shopping. Among other places they visited was Mandel’s new store, and after wandering around the first floor for a while the party came to a stop near the elevators.