“Your visits remind me of the growth of a successful newspaper,” said Uncle Jabez, leaning his chin on his cane, and glancing at William Arthur, who was sweet on Angelica. “Why so?” inquired William. “Well, they commenced as a weekly, grew to be a tri-weekly, and have now become daily, with a weekly supplement.” * * * * * They were returning home from the theatre and had nearly reached her home, when the young man observed: “Isn’t the weather cold and raw?” She must have misunderstood him. “Raw,” she said, rather hesitatingly. “Yes, I like them raw, but,” she continued, looking sweetly in his eyes, “don’t you think they are nicer fried?” What could he do? * * * * * One more unfortunate: Mamma (a widow of considerable personal attractions)—“I want to tell you something, Tommy. You saw that gentleman talking to grandmamma in the other room. Well, he is going to be your new papa. Mamma’s going to marry him.” Tommy (who recollects something of the life his old papa used to lead)—“D-d-does he know it yet mamma?” * * * * * “Doctor,” said our young man to a jocular dentist, “I hear you’ve been saying that I’ve got a mouth that always reminds you of the mouth of the Mississippi. Is that so?” “Of course not, my dear boy,” said Burton. “I never said anything so cruel. All I said was that when I was reaching for one of your rear snags I always felt safer when I had a life-preserver around me.” * * * * * Queen Victoria took the second prize at the York show with a yearling heifer from her Balmoral farm, and she kicked like a steer because she didn’t get the first. The heifer did, not Victoria. Er himperial majesty kicked too, because the first prize is one shilling thruppence, while the second is only one shilling tuppence happeny, but her protest of course was made in a most majestic and lady-like manner.—_Hawkeye._ * * * * * Some of the richest men in Austin started in life in a very modest way, and are still plain, unpretentious people, but their sons put on a great deal of style. One of the latter, who was better posted about other people’s affairs than his own family’s remarked sneeringly to an acquaintance: “Your father was nothing but a simple stonemason.” “I know where you got that information,” quietly remarked the other. “From whom did I get it?” “From your father.” “How do you know that?” “Because your father used to be my father’s hod-carrier.” * * * * *