Priscilla and Charybdis: A Story of AlternativesMoore, Frank Frankfort
General
Priscilla and Charybdis: A Story of Alternatives
Moore, Frank Frankfort
Fiction
She saw as clearly as did Mr. Forrester that Jack’s form of oratory was
the sort that must tell at an election meeting. It was not classical;
it was far better: it was colloquial. He told stories by the score, and
everyone of them bearing upon his own experience in many countries--just
the sort of stories that people like--about lions and tigers and killing
things--about niggers (with a sly word or two about the scantiness of
their attire)--about a cricket match in the South Seas which had lasted
three weeks with a hundred and twenty on each side, and a free fight at
the close--about a football match in Africa, where the football was a
cocoanut in its original husk, and how they kicked it to pieces with,
their bare feet, and how the referee was treated almost as badly as he
is upon occasions in the Midlands. “But the great pull that those chaps
have over us is of course that a black eye is never noticed.” This
commentary was received with laughter and cheers; and under the cover of
this demonstration Priscilla scribbled a few words on a piece of paper,
and pushed it before him. When the yells had passed away, he resumed:
“I suppose you think that that about the black eyes has nothing to do
with us at this election. Well, you’re wrong. I was about to say when
you interrupted me--there really was nothing to laugh at. Do you think a
black eye is something to laugh at? (Great laughter.) Well, you’re wrong
again! (More laughter.) I should know, for I’ve had many a one myself.
(Renewed laughter.) In fact, at one time of my life I had so many black
eyes that my friends used to call me not blackeyed Susan, but black-eyed
Jack. (Great laughter.) My mother said, ‘This can’t be my own beautiful
boy, for my son had lovely dreamy blue eyes, and this boy’s are--’
(The remainder of the sentence was inaudible owing to the laughter and
cheers.) But to come to the point. I was about to say that my opponent’s
disclaimer with regard to the labourers’ cottages resembled that
nigger’s black eyes. He declares that the opinions which I said were
his were not his opinions at all. Ladies and gentlemen, if you had asked
that nigger if he had a pair of black eyes he would have denied it.
My opponent holds those opinions without knowing it, and we accept his
disclaimer, feeling sure that he made it in good faith--as good faith
as the nigger’s who denied his lovely black eyes, and so we part good
friends.” (Loud cheers.)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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