Private Papers of William WilberforceWilberforce, William
History
Private Papers of William Wilberforce
Wilberforce, William
Wilberforce, William, 1759-1833
"MY DEAR SIR,--I have just evinced a proof of want of vigilance and
self-discipline which vexes me so much that I am endeavouring to find
relief from my vexation by telling it to you, as it is a satisfaction
to me to think that you will pity me, in spite of the neglect of your
advice, which I have betrayed. After having had the carriage at the
door to leave this place (the Duchess of Gordon's) in order that we
might spend to-morrow quietly, about twenty miles off, I have suffered
myself to be persuaded to stay here till Monday. O how subtle are the
devices of the enemy of our peace, and how weak our natural means of
defence; the real cause of my falling into this temptation is now plain
enough, but the shadow of delusion that for a moment imposed upon me
was the idea of having some serious conversation with the Duchess, when
we were likely to be almost alone, and which company has hitherto given
me but little opportunity for; and this I was weak enough to indulge in
spite of more sober convictions and the advice of Mr. Gorham and other
objections, and I am just awakened to see the extent of my folly,
conceit, and wilful depravity, by finding that we are to have no chance
of having my imagination gratified, as Sir Wm. Scott has written word
that he is coming to-morrow, and the delight with which the Duchess
welcomed the intelligence has opened my eyes to my sottishness in
thinking her sincere in her wish that I might pass a Sunday with her. I
cannot conceive a scene more calculated to excite feelings of devotion
and to expose worldly vanities than this spot, which is quite lovely,
yet here I have found how strongly the world may engage the affections;
there is something in the Duchess that pleases, although against the
judgment (perhaps a little in the way of Falstaff), and makes her
entertaining even when she is the subject of melancholy reflections;
indeed, I feel how necessary your warnings against her fascinations
were; she talked a great deal about her friend Wilberforce, and
threatens you with a letter about me, and told me all my faults which
she intended to report to you; I have not spent a Sunday (for it is
now over) with so much self-reproach since I came into Scotland. She
seems to be on the same kind of terms with religion as she is with
her Duke, that is, on terms of great nominal familiarity without ever
meeting each other except in an hotel or in the streets of Edinburgh.
She fell asleep on Sunday while I was reading to her part of Leighton's
Commentary and awoke with lively expressions of admiration at what
she had not heard; she talks of setting off for Ireland in a few weeks
and of going to London afterwards, so I hope that she will do no harm
at Edinburgh next winter. I left Kinrara on Monday and got to Blair at
night; I found there more of ancient stateliness than I have yet seen,
and I think the Duke of Athol is fond of keeping it up; he has some
very fine scenery about him there, and his other place Dunkeld, which
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account